Fun Things To Do During Boring Sermons
- Sunday, March 14, 2004
1) Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests.
2) See if a yawn really is contagious.
3) Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your hand and tell the preacher.
4) Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the stairs.
5) Listen for your preacher to use a word beginning with 'A' then 'B and so on through the alphabet.
6) Sit in the back row and roll a handful of marbles under the pews ahead of you. After the service, credit yourself with 10 points for every marble that made it to the front.
7) Using church bulletins or visitor cards for raw materials, design, test and modify a collection of paper airplanes.
8) Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the way to the front, under the pews, without being noticed.
9) Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the rest room.
10) Whip out a hankie and blow your nose. Vary the pressure exerted on your nostrils and trumpet out a rendition of your favorite hymn.
11) Chew gum: If the sermon goes on for more than 15 minutes, start blowing bubbles.
12) Try to indicate to the minister that his fly is undone.
13) By unobtrusively drawing your arms up into your sleeves, turn your shirt around backwards.
14) While people are locating the announced congregational song, step out in the aisle and begin waving your arms as if directing the hymn.
15) Sit close to the front, and during the prayer, turn around backwards, point, and count softly how many people do not have their heads bowed and eyes closed.
16) See how many hard candies you can stuff in your cheeks before someone catches you.
17) Begin coughing and get louder and louder until you get to excuse yourself and leave the room.
18) Choose a different song than was announced and begin singing it as loud as you can.
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