His first words to the congregation on Sunday morning are "All right, listen up you heathens..."

He falls asleep during his own sermon.

He shows up for Sunday service wearing Bermuda Shorts and a Tank Top.

Every time his pager goes off, he shouts, "Why can't they just leave me alone?!"

Announces baptismal services will be at the Grand Canyon.

You go to his office for counseling and pour your heart out to him and he says, "Sounds like a personal problem to me."

For the past two months he has preached the same sermon every Sunday.