Sunday School Biblical Bloopers
- Wednesday, March 19, 2003
FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT
In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, the Lord got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Noah built the ark and the animals came on in pears.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.
Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father.
Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT
When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus - in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption.
St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before - they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."
It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.
When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
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