10. Wear tons of bling when working just to make NBA players mad

9. Do old MC Hammer dance when calling strikes

8. Use "Crabby the Lovable Ump" hand puppet to argue with managers

7. Have Cracker Jack guy call a few balls and strikes

6. Offer second opinion out loud to batting signals given by 3rd base coach

5. Poll fans behind plate for each call

4. Taunt ball boys

3. Drop and do one-arm push ups whenever camera is on him

2. Protective mask has smiley face

1. Mumble "eh batta batta batta-SWING!"