I got my first GI Joe when I was five. That's all I wanted for Christmas was the footlocker and GI Joe stuff.

My dad didn't like that I played with GI Joe's because he didn't want his son playing with dolls. First of all, calling GI Joe a doll is like calling Ken a boy. GI Joe is an action figure that happens to be tall enough to join Barbie for tea if he likes. After all he is a fully-grown man, twelve inches tall, who is serving our country by allowing young boys ages four and older to blow him up with bottle rockets and other illegal holiday explosives. He's not a doll. And just because a grown man collects them doesn't mean he has issues. It just means he has GI Joes.

So, my dad didn't want me playing with GI Joes, but that's all I wanted for Christmas. "I want more GI Joes and GI Joe equipment and the GI Joe footlocker to carry it all around in."

For some reason that footlocker was the crown of GI Joe equipment. Everything had its place in the footlocker. It was the next best thing to a pegboard.

Well, my mom had this big white purse with lots of compartments inside, much like the GI Joe footlocker. It was just long enough to hold my GI Joe, also. So, I asked her if I could use the purse until I got my footlocker.

She said yes.

So, my dad comes home and I'm walking around with this big white purse.

"What's with the purse?" he asked.

"It's for my GI Joe," I said innocently.

I never got any GI Joe stuff for Christmas.

Many fathers have the fear that if their son plays with dolls this will mean that one day their son may be walking around with a big white purse. I would say toys don't generally lead to deviate behavior.

I played with toy guns.

I had candy cigarettes.

And yet somehow I avoided prison.

I also liked the little green plastic army men. You can still buy them at the grocery store. For just one dollar you receive over one billion little green army guys. I don't know how they make any money. Is our government subsidizing them? "Hey, don't charge much for the army guys. We'll make it up to you. It's good PR."

We used to take the little green army guys and set them on fire with lighter fluid.

Then some kid always got the bright idea, "Hey, I know what would work better than lighter fluid."



Well, he was right.

It worked great.

Soon we advanced to burning model tanks without a problem.

It was the toy boat that presented difficulties.

He thought it would be cool (I still vow that none of this was my idea) if the boat burned on a lake of fire. So, he filled an entire coffee can with gasoline, put the boat on top and lit it.

Well, it was cool until the can started to melt.

So, he grabbed a broom to put the fire out.

Straw broom --- bad idea.

Now he's working on putting out two fires.

I'm across the street watching at this point.

So, he kicks the can over.

Now his driveway is a lake of fire.

Thankfully his babysitter finally noticed the billowing flames.

When I think of episodes like this, I have a better understanding of why the disciples tried to shoo the children away from Jesus. Sure the kids have faith --- faith that they can recreate a scene from the bombing of Pearl Harbor.

My four-year-old daughter plays with Disney princess dolls, My Little Pony, Strawberry Shortcake and a toy called Hello Kitty.

What kind of toys are these?

Any Toy called "Hello Kitty" will never be used with gasoline.

My daughter will never enjoy the smell of burning plastic.

I used to become sad when I thought I would never be able to pass on my toy collection to my daughter. GI Joes and princess gowns just don't mix. She's four and sees this truth.

However, I am happy to report that she's walking around with a big white purse. (Hey, I never did get that footlocker.)

I have to go now. My daughter's having a tea party and Joe and I are invited.

One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could touch them and bless them, but the disciples told them not to bother him. But when Jesus saw what was happening, he was very displeased with his disciples. He said to them, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I assure you, anyone who doesn't have their kind of faith will never get into the Kingdom of God." Then he took the children into his arms and placed his hands on their heads and blessed them. Mark 10:13-16 NLT

Thor Ramsey is the host of the T.V. comedy show,  Bananas.
Watch it free online!