- Monday, April 04, 2005
1. You must learn to pronounce the city's name. It is Hugh-stun, not Howstun.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has its own version of traffic rules: Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Houston. They all drive like that.
3. All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610".... that has no beginning and no end.
4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a "Scenic Drive."
5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
6. If you actually stop on a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
7. When you are the first one off the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way. Of course, you will be honked at frequently.
8. Kuykendahl Road can ONLY be pronounced by a native.
9. Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
10. All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we must be in Pasadena!"
11. If someone actually has his turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
12. All old ladies with blue hair in pink Cadillacs have total right-of-way.
13. The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
14. The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is NOT ornamental.
15. Never honk at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking. I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.
16. The Sam Houston Toll road is our daily version of NASCAR.
17. If it's only 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
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