Learn How to Speak Southern
- Wednesday, November 05, 2003
Before heading south for a vacation, it may be a good idea to learn the language of our southern brothers and sisters.
And we're here to help...
Hah Tu Spek Suthun:
BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I taint herd from him in munts."
ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"
TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65."
RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats."
FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."
JU-HERE - a question.
Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?"
HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."
VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"
GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!"
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