Engineers - Take One
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. But to the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Engineers - Take Two
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were playing golf together and found themselves waiting for a particularly slow group of golfers that were in front of them. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. 'Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?' "

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime they want." There was was silence for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Engineers - Take Three
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Engineers - Take Four
"Normal people...believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

Engineers - Take Five
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it into his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one whole week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then creid out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do absolutley ANYTHING you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "WHAT is the matter with you? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week, and I will do anything you want. WHY won't you kiss me??"

The engineer replies, "Look, I'm an engineer. I simply don't have time for a girl friend, but a talking frog. . .  now, that's really cool."