Love is Never Boastful or Proud
"Too much pride will destroy you." ~ Proverbs 16:18We can have pride in our country, the accomplishments of loved ones and in a job well done. But it is very telling that God included this caution in his definition of love "[Love] does not boast, it is not proud" (1 Corinthians 13:4). He goes on to sum up these attributes in the next verse where he reminds us that love is not "selfish."
This gives us an important indication of where the dividing line lies — with intent. Boasting is always selfish. It is an attempt to lift us up while making someone else feel lacking in his or her own circumstances and accomplishments.
While there is nothing wrong with communicating the excitement we feel regarding whatever good news we have, we must be careful not to cross the line between sharing our joy and rubbing someone's nose into our good fortune. We need to examine our intent. Are we sharing our news to feel better about ourselves, to elevate our status in someone else's eyes, or to make them envious of us? If so, we have crossed the line into boastful territory.
This type of pride is also dangerous because it causes us to be so consumed with ourselves that we devalue others, and it leaves no room for God. In essence, we take the credit for what God has done.
But pride manifests itself in other selfish behaviors as well, particularly in our marriages and other close relationships. Pride is the enemy of relationships and causes us to exhibit some very undesirable and destructive behaviors. Do you recognize any of these common behaviors in yourself:
- Stubbornness
- Failure to forgive
- Attempting to control your spouse.
When we are in a state of pride, we are reluctant to humble ourselves either before God or in the eyes of others. This leads us to "hold our ground", unwilling to put aside "self" in order to nurture the relationship.
Pride disguised as stubbornness indicates that we care more about ourselves than another person. It is an indication of our selfishness and denotes a lack of maturity. We refuse to negotiate, give-in, or talk things through to a reasonable compromise when we let our pride get in the way of our love for someone else and our concern for their needs, their opinions, and their desires. Thinking our way is the only way is shortsighted, insensitive and often, ignorant.
Stubbornness often leads to an attempt to control the other party because we believe that we know best. When we become guilty of needing to have the last word, the final authority on issues relating to the family, the home, the relationship, the finances, the children, etc., then we exhibit controlling behaviors that quickly sabotage any chance of happiness we might have together. Our actions signal that we think we are smarter, more astute, more capable, and more talented than our partner. It diminishes their contribution to the relationship and signifies that we do not appreciate what they add to our life together. Spouses on the receiving end of this behavior feel degraded, even humiliated, and they will ultimately withdraw from us because their needs are not being met. Not many people want to stay where they feel unappreciated, insignificant, and worthless.
A partnership only works for both partners when each of you feels loved, appreciated, respected and valued. Each individual must have input and be free to not only offer opinions and suggestions, but to have those thoughts taken into account in the decision-making process.
A note to primary wage-earners: be very careful that you do not mistake your financial contributions as entitlement to exercise power over your spouse. A healthy marriage is a careful balance where both people are making contributions to the future direction of the partnership and where both are highly regarded for the unique and necessary gifts they provide.
Remember: In marriage, you are partners. Both of you are affected by the decisions of the other. So be respectful, encourage discussions, value one another's opinions, and be sure that you are making more joint decisions than unilateral ones.
Finally, no relationship can survive unless both parties are willing to forgive one another. Because face it — we are all going to make mistakes. We all occasionally step outside our bounds or fail one another. Therefore, we need to adopt a forgiving spirit if we ever hope to be forgiven ourselves.
If you act stubbornly and controlling, you will eventually undermine the love and respect others have for you. But if you refuse to apologize, or make concessions because you are afraid of being perceived as weak or wrong, then you are causing injury and damage to the relationship that might be irreparable.
Humbling yourself once in a while indicates that you have a healthy sense of self and have your priorities in the right order. G. K. Chesterton once said, "It is always the secure who are humble." Don't let fear and insecurities fuel destructive pride.
our relationships to evolve and grow. It keeps us from experiencing the fullness that a LOVE based on Respect, Loyalty, Patience, Kindness, Trust and Faith provides. And it prevents marital partners from developing the deeper spiritual, emotional and personal bonds that provide us with not only Love, but also with Romance, Joy, Excitement, Passion, Bliss and Fulfillment that can last a lifetime.
"Let LOVE be your greatest aim…" ~ 1 Corinthians 14:1
This article augments the series "Journey Together to Discover the TRUE Meaning of LOVE" , also by the author.
Deborah J. Thompson is a writer, artist and Stephen Minister. Her articles are published by Crosswalk.com and "The Fish" family of Christian radio station websites around the country. She shares "Reflections" on Life and Marriage on her website, www.inspiredreflections.info. And she is working on her first book, Your Life, Your Choice, which gives 5 simple steps to harness the power of your choices and bring more Love, Joy and Peace into your life. Join her on Facebook and Twitter/InspireReflect.
Originally published March 01, 2010.
