Love is Not Proud
"[Love] does not boast. It is not proud." ~ 1 Corinthians 13:3
"Too much pride will destroy you." ~ Proverbs 16:18
We have all experienced them — the people who can't resist telling us about their wonderful life, their smart children are, and their successful spouse. They always seem to need to "one up" you — if your child made a home run, theirs hit a grand slam. If you were just promoted to VP, then their brother was just named senior VP. They can't be happy for anyone else's successes without bragging about their own.
Be honest now, these are the people who make your eyes roll back in your head and cause you duck into the bathroom at the sight of them headed your way!
"It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help." ~ Author Unknown
No one enjoys being around someone who likes to boast and brag. Boasting has the effect of raising up one person while putting down another. While there is nothing wrong with communicating the excitement we feel regarding whatever good news we have, we must be careful not to cross the line between sharing our joy and rubbing someone's nose into our good fortune.
The difference lies with the intent. Are you conveying your news to feel better about yourself, to elevate your status in someone else's eyes, or to make them envious of you? If so, you have crossed the line into "Boastful" territory!
Boasting in this way reveals a deeper sense of insecurity and needs to be addressed as such. And if your "boasting" makes someone else feel lacking in their own accomplishments or circumstances, then I think we can all agree this is a failure to exhibit a loving behavior towards them. It is merely being selfish.
As for pride, there is a difference between the kind of pride we feel for our country, our family and a job well done, and the destructive kind of pride that arises from being too self-absorbed. We can define that type of sinful pride as "a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit or superiority." This type of pride is so dangerous because it causes us to be so consumed with ourselves that we devalue others and leave no room for God. In essence, we take the credit for what God has done!
"In their pride the wicked do not seek him; in all their thoughts there is no room for God." ~ Psalms 10:4
There are other, less obvious manifestations of pride as well. It is the enemy of relationships and causes us to exhibit some very undesirable and destructive behaviors such as stubbornness and a failure to forgive. When we are in a state of pride, we are reluctant to humble ourselves either before God or in the eyes of others. This leads us to "hold our ground," unwilling to put aside "self" in order to nurture the relationship.
Pride, disguised as stubbornness, indicates that we care more about ourselves than we do another person. It is another symptom of selfishness and denotes a lack of maturity. We refuse to negotiate, give-in, or talk things through to a reasonable compromise when we let our pride get in the way of our love for someone else and our concern for their needs, their opinions, and their desires. Thinking that our way is the only way is shortsighted, insensitive and often ignorant.
No relationship can survive unless both parties are willing to forgive one another. Because face it — we are all going to make mistakes. We are going to disappoint each other, let each other down, and even hurt each other at times. Therefore, we need to adopt a forgiving spirit if we ever hope to be forgiven ourselves.
If you continue to let your pride interfere with your willingness to see things from someone else's point of view, you will erode your relationship with that person a little at a time.
"It is better to lose your pride with someone you love, than to lose someone you love because of your pride." ~ Author Unknown
If you continue to be stubborn, you will undermine the love and respect others have for you. And if you refuse to apologize, or make concessions because you are afraid of being perceived as weak or wrong, then you are causing injury and damage to the relationship that might be irreparable.
Letting pride rule our emotions and dictate our decisions is in actuality giving in to our fears and insecurities. And this will ultimately drive away the very people we care for the most. But humbling yourself once in a while indicates that you have a healthy sense of self and have your priorities in the right order.
"It is always the secure who are humble." ~ Gilbert Keith Chesterton
Being too proud to admit you made a mistake, to forgive, to concede, or to accept help when it is needed will not lead to healthy relationships with others and will cause you to separate yourself from God. It will keep you from your ultimate goal of loving and being loved in the way God intended. And it will rob you of the gift of allowing those you love to share their talents, opinions, skills, expertise and abilities.
"Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." ~ Proverbs 11:2
Originally published February 16, 2010.
