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Mentoring Today’s Teens

  • 2010 3 Mar
Mentoring Today’s Teens




Pam and Bill Farrel

This year we released two books to help teens make wise choices: Guys are Waffles, Girls are Spaghetti (co-authored with Chad Eastham by Thomas Nelson) and Raising a Modern Day Princess ( co-authored with Doreen Hanna from Focus on the Family/Tyndale) My role, (Pam) has been to mentor young women over the years, so have written some mentor moments for parents. Consider some of the ideas below to better equip your teen:

One of the main components of my mentoring of young women has always been helping the young woman make critical, vital decisions impacting her purity and dating life. Likewise, Bill has mentored young men to be epic and take the high road in relationships.  When Bill and I were youth pastors, we saw that many young people didn't think through or pray through the imperative relationship decisions of life. We developed a Teen Relationship Contract, which is available at  or  in 10 Best Decisions a Parent Can Make  Guys and girls use this tool to help them think through the important elements of a dating relationship and it includes questions for discussion on topics like:

·                    What are the qualities I am looking for in a future mate?

·                    Do I have those qualities?

·                    How will my parents know I am mature and responsible enough to date?

·                    What is a date?

·                    How do I handle a relationship as it progresses?

·                    What are God's standards for a physical relationship? 

·                    How do I value and protect my virginity and purity?

There is much more in the contract, so teens (and their parents and /or youth leaders) will appreciate the ability to think through and talk through these life impacting issues.

One of the happiest days of my life was at a speaking engagement when a young woman approached me. She had been married a couple of years and was expecting. She said, "Pam, you don't know me, but I know you. Jane discipled me and she used the relationship contract that she got from the young woman who mentored her, Kristie. Kristie and her husband had high standards of integrity when they dated and I watched their good choices and I made a commitment to God to take the high road in who I dated and how I dated. I didn't really date much in high school, just a prom date my senior year, but when I went to college, I met my husband and he was the kind of godly leader like Kristie's husband. He treated me with such respect. We have been happily married now for 3 years and are now expecting our first. Kristie said she didn't know you and your husband, but that the college girl who mentored her, Sara, was in your youth group in junior high, and the college woman that mentored Sara was Kelly, and that you personally mentored her. I just think it is awesome that , me, Kristie, Sara, and Kelly all are happily married. We all waited to have sex until our honeymoon, and most of us didn't even kiss until we were engaged, like you and Bill. I just wanted you to know and I wanted to tell you, "Thanks!"

Bill and I have always taught, "You make your choices and your choices make you." We think it is a wonderful forward-thinking choice to walk a daughter through the Modern-Day Princess curriculum that helps a teen grasp that she is a daughter of the King, (Raising a Modern day Knight is also a book we read for our sons). We emphasized with our own teens:  "God honors those that Honor Him" (1 Sam 2:30 paraphrased).

 Knights and Princesses build strong, healthy marriages, and families, which in turn, God can honor to build strong, healthy churches, and communities. Build a community by building into a teen.


Pam and Bill Farel are international speakers and authors of over 30 relationship books including Guys are Waffles, Girls are Spaghetti for Teens which made the ECPA best-seller list in February of 2010. This resource, the teen relationship contract, Raising a Modern Day Princess book and girls' journal are available at