The Marriage Code Enhances Couples' Communication Skills
The Marriage Code by Bill and Pam Farrel
The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control…
In their newest marriage book, The Marriage Code, Bill and Pam Farrel give couples practical tools to unlock the code to a fulfilling marriage that displays the fruit of the Spirit. In a humorous story Bill recounts his difficulty understanding the receptionist at a hotel they were staying at in Singapore. Bill needed the pass code to access the internet in their hotel room. But the thick accent of the receptionist hindered their communication and left Bill without his needed pass code. From this experience the Farrels correlate marriage issues that often originate from crossed wires of communication. The Farrels observed that every individual has a pass code on their heart and a fulfilling marriage is one where the husband and wife have the access code to the other's heart.
Access Codes based on Gender
Some of these marriage codes are based on gender. For example, the Farrels note that men have a need to feel successful and women have a need to feel secure. If conversing with his wife makes a husband feel like he can't keep up with her, or she always seems to bring up his shortcomings, then that husband crosses communication off the list of activities he can succeed in and avoids it- even at the cost of his marriage. A woman's need for security can be just as daunting. If a husband misunderstands that security is at her core, he can inadvertently put her heart out in places that make her feel vulnerable, unloved and in the end cause her to distrust her husband.
Access Codes based on Personality
While men and women are wired differently, individuals regardless of gender are also wired with their own uniqueness. A wife might be out-going while her husband is more reserved, or vise a versa. He might like to be a leader in a situation and she might like to sit on the sidelines, etc. All these uniquenesses have their own distinct pass codes. The Farrels share that some of the areas the personality pass codes that pop up in marriage can be: affection, recreation, goal setting, managing finances, your family life-pace, and the way you as an individual express yourself. When you can better understand what makes your spouse tick, then you might not see her plans as irrational or his wishes as demanding. As you understand the uniqueness of your spouse's personality you have a pass code to their heart that creates a marriage with less confusion, fewer hurt feeling and more of the connection we all desire in our marriages.
Access Codes based on Seasons of Life
Marriage relationships are designed to thrive through a variety of life stages and changes. From babies, career highs and lows, aging, etc, the seasons in life can bring about changes in your spouse that can seem confusing. When spouses are confused about each other it often equals misunderstandings that lead to emotional closed doors. The Farrels give attention to the unique way mid-life can affect the intimacy in a marriage.
Access Codes based on Personal Experience
All of us have a past filled with a variety of experiences. The Farrels share with candor and personal experience how married life can activate alarms from childhood and young adult life. Instead of unlocking trust and love, we can bump into the bruises of our mate's past and find "access denied" written over a situation in our marriage. Pam and Bill discuss how they have learned to apply Biblical principles to this area of their marriage in order to have more joy in their relationship.
At each of these relationship junctures the Farrels apply God's Word to bridge the gap between the marriage couples have and the one they wish they had. Applying godly principles to handling conflict cultivates peace in a marriage. Fostering trust in the bedroom produces the fruit of faithfulness. Developing an understanding for your mate's past life experiences that set off alarms in their heart will reap a harvest of joy in place of disappointment. Learning how to express yourself in your relationship with caring and softness will cultivate gentleness in your marriage.
Through these Biblical truths and principles the Farrels have created the MARRIAGE code:
Mystery of Love
Affection
Recreation
Resolving Conflicts
Intimacy
Activating Alarms
Golden Goals
Expressing Yourself
Through more than 25 years of marriage ministry, the Farrels have pinpointed the practice of these eight principles, outlined in their book, as the access code to a secure, successful marriage.
To be entered into a drawing for a free copy of their book, The Marriage Code, email info@InHisEyesMinistries
For more information on the Farrel's marriage ministry, visit: farrelcommunications.com
Originally published November 05, 2009.
