Wives -- Give Husbands a Break
Recently our nephew, Jake, competed in the national History Fair finals. He and some buddies in the sixth grade created a documentary on how the codes were cracked in WWII. As Father’s Day rolls around, I (Pam) thought how appropriate and beneficial it would be if we women gave the men in our lives a decoder ring on our wedding days so they could receive the coded messages we send! How about a code word for these occasions:
I am in the Mood. Our recently engaged son ribbed me about the sox I placed in his Dad’s Father’s Day gift last year. The sox were for me and they had two option, "Tonight!" or turn them down and they read, "Not Tonight!" You can get pillows that display this message too. We also gather candles from each place we travel and Bill reads my signal loud and clear if he comes home and all the kids are gone and all the candles are lit.
Signals and code words aren’t new to us. Check out Song of Solomon in the Bible, all the references to "Come away with me . . .enjoy the garden, etc" were Shunimite’s way of clueing in the king of her castle that she was ready and willing.
Here's another young couple that figured out the benefit of code in these situations. They were having a rough time connecting emotionally in the early years of their marriage, so things were getting tense in their home of preschoolers. The husband’s sister took pity on them and took care of the kids one evening so they could gain a little one-on-one time. In his wisdom, the husband set aside that time to listen and they ended up at a park, feeding ducks. Upon returning home, his sis asked, "How’d it go?"
"Fine, we just fed the ducks," he explained.
"Fed the ducks, huh?" his sis said with innuendo.
Let’s feed the ducks became the code for "Let’s enjoy each other..." when little ears were listening.
I’m ticked. Our son, Brock, is a college quarterback. He uses elaborate play names to tell his teammates in the huddle where to go and what to do to complete a successful route. Wouldn’t it be nice if women would give us some idea when they were getting ready to explode by calling out "Doghouse Right!" Women do kind of give clues if you pay close attention to the way they say certain words. In our book, Every Marriage is a Fixer Upper, we share the insider information from an email we received that gives clues that a woman is less than happy with her beloved:
Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to be quiet. Another caution about this seemingly innocent word - never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks.
Five minutes. This is woman-speak for "half an hour." It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
Nothing. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"
Don’t answer that. Women should be required to give some kind of smoke signal or play the "Emergency Broadcast system warning" tune when they ask a question there is no possible right answer to. How is a boyfriend or husband supposed to answer questions like, "Do I look fat in this?" or "Is she prettier than me?" (Note from Bill: Guys, we at least should clue each other in when we hear a woman say a questions that you should not touch with a ten foot pole. How about we guys band together and use some of those pitcher/catcher signals or the signs the third base coach uses to tell the base runner to motor forward! So from here on out, when a woman, your mother, daughter, or wife asks something that is sure to land you with a TV dinner or a night on the lumpy living room sofa, let’s all tap our right eyebrow with two fingers and that will be the universal code for, "Do not say a word! Do not pass go! Do not collect $200 but go directly to chocolate, perfume, flowers or diamonds to get out of this one!" )
Joking aside, Ladies, let’s give the guys a break, at least for this month of Father’s Day, and without using code just come out an tell them how much you value, appreciate and love the men in your life! Dads, sons and husbands, on behalf of the female gender, thanks for your patient love!
Originally published July 06, 2005.
