The Conversation Isn’t About You
By Rick Warren
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)
It’s important to remember in any conversation the same truth that applies to every other area of your life: It’s not about you.
What do you think is going to happen if you start a conversation with your agenda, your hurt, your complaint, or your problem? You’re not going to get very far!
Every conversation should start by empathizing with the needs of the other person. What are their hurts? What are their interests? What are their fears? What are their problems?
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Ephesians 4:29 NIV).
There are four commands in this verse: Speak only what is helpful, build others up, defer to others’ needs, and benefit others. None of those commands are about you.
You’ll get your turn at some point. You’ll have your chance to speak your frustration or fear or need or opinion—but don’t start there.
Here's how to start: When you sit down to the conversation, say, "You go first." Then let them speak without any interruption. Don't ask questions. Don't ask for clarification. Don't challenge. Take notes if necessary. But just let them speak. That shows you're aware. That shows you're paying attention. That shows you care.
There’s another way to show you care: Summarize what the other person said. You say, “Let me repeat back to you what I think I heard you say." You paraphrase what you heard them saying so that they can affirm or correct you and maintain healthy communication. This shows them that you cared enough to listen and also to make sure they were understood. It’s a powerful way to show love in any relationship.
It’s human nature to want to focus on yourself. But the sign of a master communicator is having enough humility to make the other person the focus of the conversation and make them feel heard and understood.
For more Daily Hope with Rick Warren, please visit pastorrick.com!
Fill Your Home with Joy and Hope this Christmas!
With Christmas right around the corner, we want to help you spend the holidays worshipping instead of worrying. Slowing down and reconnecting with God. And expressing gratitude for the true meaning of the season.
That’s why Pastor Rick and his wife Kay created the Daily Hope Advent devotional booklet with a companion calendar. This 2-part resource is the perfect way to prepare your heart for the real celebration.
Praise God for the gift of Jesus and build joyful anticipation as Christmas draws near with the 24-day devotional booklet, featuring a special family activity each Sunday. And enjoy the beautiful, custom artwork of the Advent calendar, with a special door for every day of December that opens to reveal a hidden image and encouraging Bible verse.
We’ll send you the Advent devotional booklet and calendar as thanks for your gift below to help share the gift of Jesus with more people through Daily Hope. Be sure to request yours today so that you can start using it on December 1!
*The USA IRS code permits you to deduct the amount of your financial gift to Daily Hope that exceeds the fair market value of materials you received from Daily Hope.
This devotional © 2018 by Rick Warren. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
You can listen to Rick Warren on OnePlace.com.