You Do Your Thing, I’ll Do Mine
By Lisa Lakey
When my husband and I got married, we had already been living together for more than a year. (I know, I know … I talk a little more about that in the link below).
We had been sharing one couch, one kitchen, and one comforter for a while. Yet we had very specific ideas of what qualified as his, mine, and ours.
The TV? His, because his parents gave it to us.
The washing machine? Ours. We split the cost when we moved in.
The dog? Mine. He followed me around the house.
Our time? We had established an unspoken, unintentional pattern: You do your thing, I’ll do mine. See you at the end of the day and on date night.
And that worked. Until it didn’t.
As a wife, being my husband’s “girlfriend” no longer cut it. We were married; I wanted more. It made me insecure in our relationship to have to schedule time with my husband.
Yet in my lack of verbal clarity, he was only confused about my anger.
After all, it made sense to him. We are as different as night and day. From our temperaments to our hobbies. So what was the big deal?
Till death do us part was the big deal, Buddy. How can you part what isn’t fully joined?
It took us a heart-to-heart convo and a little trial and error to realize marriage is best navigated together.
No, that doesn’t mean spending every waking moment glued to each other’s side. But it does mean being conscious of how your use of time might impact your spouse. For us, it looked like me learning how to bait a hook and cast a line. And him double checking with me before making weekend plans.
Do we still enjoy time apart? Of course. But not at the expense of the other’s sense of security.
The good stuff: “Have you not read … ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? … What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matthew 19:4-6)
Action points: Look at how you spent your time over the last week (or month). Does your schedule reflect you value “us” time or “me” time? Humbly ask your spouse if your schedule makes them feel like a priority.
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