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We Don’t Talk about That Here” (Part II) - I Do Every Day - October 16

  • 2019 Oct 16

“We don’t talk about that here” (Part II)

By Carlos Santiago

Allow me to continue my story from yesterday.

While I may not have had to face consequences from the men I spoke to, I did have to face the fallout with my wife.

When I told her I was struggling with porn? She felt betrayed.

In my mind, my problem had little to do with my wife. My addiction developed long before I met her.

Not until my sin was out in the open could I see the impact it had on her. She was able to forgive me, but she lost her confidence in herself. She no longer believed I thought she was beautiful. The next couple of years were difficult.

But then one day we were hiking together and passed a tree that had been uprooted in a storm. As we looked at the tree, we couldn’t help but see it as a symbol of our marriage. Our marriage seemed strong, but our roots had been shallow. Like this tree, one strong gust of wind had knocked us over.

My wife noticed new growth coming out of the root ball and reaching upwards. The tree had been knocked over, but it was refusing to die. We also noticed while some roots had been exposed, others remained firmly attached to the ground. Our roots in Christ were strong, and our commitment to work it out was unwavering.

Right then, she turned to me and gave me a curious look, studying my face as if seeing me for the first time. Then, with an almost surprised tone, she said, “I love you.”

I had heard her say those words a thousand times before. But this time it was different. 

This time, she knew my struggles, my shame, and my failures. She knew every twisted and broken part of me, yet was deciding to love me anyway.

In that moment, I experienced a love I had only experienced once before. It was a powerful, godly love like the love Jesus had offered me. Jesus knew my sin intimately, yet loved me enough to sacrifice Himself for me and offer forgiveness.

Rediscover the roots of forgiveness and steadfastness that make your marriage strong.

Looking for help on responding to a spouse struggling with porn? Read “Helping Your Husband Battle Pornography.”

The good stuff: No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Action points: Your spouse is not immune to the fallout of your own hidden sins. Healing begins with confession. Pray for God to open your eyes to anything you are hiding from your spouse and for the courage to bring it into the light.

If your spouse has confessed something to you, ask God for help in finding forgiveness.  

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