Sweet or Unsweet?
By Lisa Lakey
In case you were wondering, my husband likes his tea sweet. Like one glass could give you a cavity kind of sweet. Me? I don’t even like tea. I drink coffee all day.
But I quickly learned to make sweet tea when my husband and I got married. Why? Because he loves it. And I love him.
Knowing and remembering things the two of us like or prefer is one habit we’ve developed to whisper “I love you.” Like when my husband drops a Diet Coke and a bag of peanut M&Ms on my desk when he knows I have to stay up late to work. Or I plop down on the couch after finally getting the kids to bed and he turns off his favorite show to turn on mine instead.
Knowing each other’s preferences makes us feel loved and, well, known. That’s a fantastic feeling.
When I feel known, I am more likely to open up to my husband because I feel like he gets me—he sees me. He thinks of me affectionately in the middle of the mundane. It creates a safe space for me to be myself, quirks and all. And trust me, I have a lot of quirks.
And the same goes for our spouses. It’s not enough that they know us. We have to actively pursue knowing them. What makes your spouse feel loved? Safe? Scared? Insecure? What idiosyncrasies can you adore a little?
It’s a tangible expression to me of the God who has my name written on the palms of His hands (Isaiah 49:16), right where an M&M might melt. The same God who beckons me to approach Him with all kinds of thoughts and requests (Ephesians 6:18). The God who created and loves my “isms.”
That’s even sweeter than tea.
The good stuff: I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me. (John 10:14)
Action points: Take time out of your day today to ask your spouse one or two questions to get to know them better. Here are some suggestions:
- What is a dream you’ve never had the confidence to pursue?
- What is one compliment you’ve received that you’ve always remembered?
- What is one fear that you can’t seem to conquer?
- If you could travel anywhere, where would you go and why?
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