It’s OK to Not Be OK (Part II)
By Lisa Lakey
Yesterday we talked about the importance of dropping your guard and admitting to a trusted someone when things aren’t going as smoothly as we hope. It feels like a breakthrough of sorts in that moment you can finally say, “We aren’t OK.”
But here’s something I hinted at yesterday: Be careful what you say (and to whom) when talking about your spouse.
A friend of mine told her mother she and her husband were separating. She had caught him in an emotional affair and needed time to see if they could work it out.
She gave her mother all the tawdry details: the emails between the two, where they met, even what the woman looked like. Their anger was a solidifying mother-daughter bonding moment. Until…
My friend decided to reconcile with her husband and forgive him. Her mother, however, did not.
I’m super close to my own mom, but she just can’t be my sounding board when I’m ticked at the hubby. (Though it’s tempting. She’s always got my back.)
Your mom (or dad, bestie, brother, whoever you think of when you read this) might not be the best person to confide in when you are angry at your spouse. Those most loyal to us are often the ones most ready to fight for us.
Even when a fight isn’t needed.
When you are ready to confide your struggles in a trusted confidante, find someone who will:
- Pray for you.
- Pray for your spouse.
- Refuse to take sides.
- Be honest with you about your own actions.
I’m thankful for my mama, but I’m also thankful for friends who hold my marriage and me accountable.
The good stuff: Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare. (Proverbs 22:24-25)
Action points: Who’s your person? The one guy or gal (if not family, it should be the same gender) with whom you can talk openly about your struggles and know you will be met with honesty and prayer? If no one comes to mind, pray and ask God to send you such a friend in your life.
Visit the FamilyLife® Website