The Day I Bullied My Husband
By Ashley Mercier
Nearly every new marriage struggles under the weight of two common loads:
1. Loading the toilet paper.
2. Loading the dishwasher.
Our learning curve for how to load the dishwasher while maintaining marital harmony was longer than the norm. But ours is not a typical dishwasher story.
Chris grew up deeply Southern, around sweet tea and even sweeter women. I admire his female relatives for many virtues, but one in particular: They handwash dishes. That being the case, he had literally never loaded a dishwasher in his life when we got married.
Hardly a week into my husband’s loving new habit of cleaning our kitchen, he mentioned us needing more “blue stuff.” In his hand, he held a tiny blue bottle.
My laughter bubbled over like suds in a dishwasher. He had been using our teeny bottle of rinse aid as the dishwasher detergent!
I cackled until I realized I was the only one laughing. My husband was silent … and mad.
Halt laughter.
He was hurt. I was confused. This was funny, right?
Later, a wise friend gently revealed the problem: “You hurt his feelings and his pride. You disrespected him.”
I saw the scene all over again in my head, through different eyes. My husband learning something new, kindly and tenderly doing a household chore I detest.
Then me laughing ... like a bully.
I backended my way into a lesson about how love and respect works. Biblically, I understood men desire respect and women crave love.
Laughing with my husband bonds us. Laughing at him destroys our connection.
The Good Stuff: Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2
Action Points:
- Esteem your spouse for their consistency in one particular household duty. Be specific and loving.
- Ask your spouse what communicates respect to him or her. Then make it your goal this week to actively practice respect.
Visit the FamilyLife® Website
