12 Signs of an Insecure Marriage
By Janel Breitenstein
I wish I didn’t know these so well.
Insecurity, see, has a barber-pole-like relationship with pride: They’re the same sin, swirling around—just different colors.
- You find yourself trying to impress your spouse rather than be vulnerable. You’re regularly self-conscious or managing an image.
- You’re starved for your spouse’s approval, gratitude, or appreciation—but feel isolated or resentful when you don’t get it. Maybe you’re turning cartwheels to get your spouse to notice. Or you’re like a bird hitting glass.
- You talk to other people about your marital issues, but not your spouse.
- Your eyes have wandered a bit lately. Maybe it’s more about how that person makes you feel. Or who you are around them, rather than the actual person.
- You see yourself holding back what you’re really thinking about—and not because it might be hurtful, unwise, or poor timing.
- You’re making small jabs, or refraining from little kindnesses, to even the playing field.
- Emotionally, you’re primarily going to someone else other than your spouse.
- You have painfully little capacity for criticism and seek to cover up mistakes or sin.
- You wait for your spouse to ask forgiveness first.
- You have a hard time asking for what you need.
- You need to prove you’re right.
- You feel hyper-focused on your spouse’s faults.
Both pride and insecurity, I’ve found, fail to seek my worth in what Jesus has done for me. That lack results in holes so deep, they’re vacuums. They suck in my achievements, my appearance, my spouse—anything promising to plug the hole.
But there’s only One designed to prove my worth and be my worship.
Don’t let insecurity cannibalize your marriage.
The good stuff: For my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water. (Jeremiah 2:13)
Action points: Consider one of the above symptoms you resonate with. Take time to pray and consider: What fuels this insecurity in you? Remember what Jesus’ work on the Cross ultimately proved: your worth, apart from what others think, or what we do or have.
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