The Not-So-Chatty Spouse
By Sabrina McDonald
“I could have told that story with half as many words.”
That’s always my husband’s favorite comment after I tell a story. I think my version is more interesting (and entertaining). Robbie finds the details laborious.
He’s the strong silent type. And I’m … verbal.
When he recalls his day, I push for details—Who was there? What were they wearing? Did he say it in that tone?
I, on the other hand, share everything—But then she said …
He often responds, “You do go on.” (So I reward him with the silent treatment.)
If you’re a verbal type like me, a lack of words makes it hard for us to connect in marriage. My husband wants every word to count, but I want him to work through his thoughts out loud so I can follow along. Otherwise, I feel shut out of his life.
So, what can a verbose spouse do to connect with their less-wordy love?
1. Talk about topics your spouse enjoys. Ask about hobbies, favorite sports teams, television shows, and other passions.
My husband loves fishing, and even though I know almost nothing about the sport, I love watching him light up when he teaches me about baits and lakes.
2. Find activities to enjoy together. Conversation comes easier when you have shared memories and activities.
My husband and I recently started a pottery class. We weren’t sure we would like it, but it’s been a blast! It gives us something to look forward to and talk about every week.
When you make your conversations more about your spouse, instead of just talking, your marriage will grow in both word and strength.
The good stuff: Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future. (Proverbs 19:20)
Action points: What is more important to you—words or relationship? How is your spouse relating to you without words? When was the last time you and your spouse participated in a fun activity together? Plan something for the coming weeks. Consider one of your spouse’s hobbies you might not know much about.
Visit the FamilyLife® Website