Sex Education Class Now in Session!
By Leslie J. Barner
My 5-year-old granddaughter made my day when she recently inquired, “Nani, when are you going to make gumbo again?” Even at her young age, she appreciates the tasty dishes I enjoy cooking up.
Funny thing is, when I was first married, I burned a pot of tomato soup.
But after that disaster, I decided it was time to learn from the best (my mom and mother-in-law).
Maybe you’re a master in the kitchen. Or maybe your culinary skills range from nuking frozen dinners to ordering gourmet take out. And that’s okay!
But here’s food for thought: Are you and your spouse cooking up great sex?
Much like with cooking, my husband and I discovered that the best way to master this art is to learn from the best: each other.
It’s true: The best way to improve your sex life is to become a student of your spouse—the only one who knows what they consider the perfect ingredients and techniques to a five-star experience in the bedroom.
This doesn’t just improve your reviews. God cares about it, too. He created sex as a means for unity (see Genesis 2:24), intimacy (see Ezekiel 16:8), procreation (see Genesis 1:27-38), and serving each other (see 1 Corinthians 7:3-4).
But He also created sex for enjoyment and pleasure in marriage: “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love” (Proverbs 5:18-19).
Like that learning curve for a new chef, being good students of each other requires patience, gentle honesty, a lot of practice, praise, and tender instruction. Tell each other lovingly, “I like it when you do this ...” “Do more of ...” “It feels really good when you ...” Or “Let’s try this ...” And even, “Let’s do less of that.”
Above all, be creative and have fun! Enjoy each other, serve each other (see Philippians 2:3-4). And together, cook up the best sex ever.
The good stuff: How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights! Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine. It goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth. I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me. (Song of Solomon 7:6-12).
Action points: Start the conversation to spice up your sex life. Keep it fun, light, and positive. (No criticism allowed.) Ask each other: What are some ways in which I can better serve you in the area of sex?
When you respond to each other, start with affirming him or her (Philippians 2:3-4). Share what you’ve enjoyed most, what you’d like to do more of, and what you’d like to try. Keep the conversation going by occasionally revisiting the topic. And remember, it’s about learning and growing in an area that will bless your marriage, and is important to God.
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