You bought what?
Have you ever hidden a purchase from your spouse? Ever felt anxiety over the response that you’d get once your spouse found out about it?
Yep, I feel you.
What seemed like a harmless purchase—new curtains, shoes, or in my case, the latest tech—has easily turned into a fight over money more times than I want to admit.
I begin to think thoughts like, All she does is spend money. Or my wife may think, He cares more about his needs than mine. I feel so micromanaged.
These warring minds and desires can cause more fallout than financial hardship. My response to how my wife spends money can undermine the trust and honor necessary for a healthy marriage.
Sometimes, I can demonstrate trust with a simple “Hey, Honey. I saw new shoes in the closet. Those will look great on you.”
But issues between us may be larger. That’s when I can communicate my respect of her by creating a gentle, open conversation where we work to compassionately understand each other.
We work against the problem rather than against each other.
The thing is, money conflicts are really just symptoms of the root problem: trusting each other, honoring each other’s feelings, understanding each others’ values, or working toward a mutual goal (rather than on the sly so I can selfishly get my way).
These issues go deeper than cash. They reflect our hearts.
You may not be able to agree on every purchase. But discussing it with your spouse speaks volumes toward respect and teamwork.
Click for more on money management for Christian families.
The good stuff: What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? (James 4:1)
Action points: As a couple, discuss the last time that you felt anxiety over a purchase. Was the purchase over a want or a need? Agree on the goals you share, and devise just one or two simple solutions to address each others’ financial concerns.
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