Those Three Little Words
By Tom Davis
There are three little words I say to my wife that always elicit an energized response: Let’s go out.
This simple phrase means more than we don’t have to cook or clean up. It’s a marital sticky note that tells our spouse, “You’re still the one I want.”
Because a successful marriage is falling in love over and over.
But I haven’t always been great in this area. I used to think the purpose of dating was to woo someone. It took a bit of error on my part (and maybe some frustration on my wife’s part), but I’ve learned long talks into the night and bouquets of flowers “just because” go a long way in showing my wife she’s still got it.
When she’s not wondering about my love for her, we’re both happier, both communicating better. (Doesn’t hurt in the bedroom, either.)
Dating doesn’t have to be complicated (you could probably call off the serenading mariachis), expensive (for us, mini-golf is right up there with a trip to the symphony), or elaborate (it’s probably more important I just show up with my whole self, undistracted). But it does take planning and prep (childcare swap, anyone?).
Wanting to take date night a little deeper? Sometimes I like to go with one or two questions in my back pocket, to get us talking about what matters to us.
- What’s one thing I do that makes you feel really respected, loved, or connected?
- What’s one of your best memories of us together?
- What kind of activity makes you feel closest to God?
- What do you pray about (or for) most often?
- What job(s) could you do that wouldn’t feel like work?
- What do you like—or for what are you most grateful—about the way God has made you?
- What’s one way I could be more of the person I want to be?
We have a few ground rules: Don’t have conversations about finances, household responsibilities, or kid stuff.
It’s amazing what three little words have meant to our marriage.
The good stuff: And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works. (Hebrews 10:24)
Action points: Sit down together and plan a month’s worth of date nights. Put suggestions in a jar to pick out places to go. Perhaps a lunch date works out better if the kids are in school. Or put together a babysitter’s club to watch each other’s children while on a date.
Visit the FamilyLife® Website