Myth: “He’s not a Christian, but he’s a great guy.”
I didn’t know what to say when Richard asked the question. Does Kevin go to church? Hello, I thought you were going to be happy for me! I remember thinking, I’ve finally found someone I really like, and things are going great.
Still, Richard is my partner at work, and he and his wife know everything there is to know about me. They know I grew up in church. And they also know I dated a few guys from the church singles group. But there just wasn’t any chemistry. I had always dreamed that God would have the perfect person picked out for me and deliver him right to my door. However, I was fast approaching the big 3–0, and it still hadn’t happened. In fact, I had almost given up, figuring I was destined to be single for the rest of my life, and then Kevin came along. We met at the gym. I would have married him on the spot for his calves alone. However, it was his smile that really got to me. We kept running into each other in the mornings before work, and he finally asked me to go out one weekend. We talked for hours that first night, as if we’d known each other forever. He was wonderful.
Over the next few weeks, as my relationship with Kevin grew, Richard started to ask me more questions. “Does Kevin know you’re a Christian? Have you told him about your faith?” I fended him off with a few cursory answers. “Kevin didn’t grow up in church like you and I did,” I told him. “But I think he gets it, or at least he’s pretty close.” Richard didn’t seem satisfied with my answer. Truthfully, something inside of me cringed when I said it. But I’m not going to let anything or anyone spoil my happiness. Who’s to say Kevin isn’t the man I dreamed of all along? He’ll probably become a Christian at some point in our relationship, and then everything will be perfect.
Do you believe love stories like Isaac and Rebekah’s can happen? Two people who aren’t even from the same country brought together by God’s hand. But oh, the things we’re willing to believe in the midst of a man-drought. When the phone isn’t ringing because no one’s calling. When we spend another Valentine’s Day with the cat. There’s a “certain age,” you know, past which all of our mothers’ friends believe the odds for us finding the man of our dreams plummet. Add to the mix the complication of a Christian woman looking for a Christian man—and the situation becomes even more discouraging. We begin to convince ourselves that we somehow missed God’s best. Maybe that’s the problem. We just weren’t open before—our standards were too high. And so, now we’re not being desperate; we’re being open. Unfortunately, that’s when we begin to rationalize whatever we want to fit the ideal.
He’s not super-spiritual, but show me a man who is.
He has such great potential—he needs someone like me to encourage him.
It’s important to note that we won’t change God’s mind, even though we can list all sorts of factors in favor of our decision to marry outside of our convictions. The Bible’s warning not to marry a non-Christian is very clear (see 2 Corinthians 6:14). Think about it. How will you celebrate Christmas and Easter? Or discipline your children? Will your husband understand wanting to tithe from your joint account? Will he mind if you’re gone for part of every Sunday? How do you feel about having a quiet time alone? The issues range from minor to major.
If you’re single and lonely, God knows it. If you’re approaching a certain age, God knows how old you are. And he is not worried. The important thing is not to be married … it’s to be married to the right person. And God can bring that person unexpectedly, just as he did for Isaac and Rebekah. Feelings and emotions can be disastrously misleading in this area. That’s why we have to hold onto God’s Word, not a wish list, and let God dictate our decision whether or not to marry someone.
“He’s Mr. Almost for now, but perhaps with one change he could become Mr. Right. Before your heart rides off into the sunset … hold out for someone who has the same goal and the same faith. By not settling, you will have peace of mind in knowing you did what was right for yourself, your children and, yes, even Mr. Almost.”
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”