Spiritual Growth and Christian Living Resources

Is Your Church the Preferred Pickup Joint?

  • Andrea R. Williams Guest Columnist
  • Published Nov 02, 2001
Is Your Church the Preferred Pickup Joint?
A friend of mine told me a story of a minister at a local church who was single. Many single women in this church had their eyes on him and just knew that he was "the one." After some time, God joined him with the woman He had ordained for him. After he and the woman got married, the membership of the church decreased by 25%! At first when I heard the story, it made me laugh. But when I thought about it further, it saddened me to think that so many women went to that church just to get a man! It made me wonder how many other churches are dealing with this same issue.

With the statistics stating that there are fewer men than women, one can understand why women would be anxious to find a man. Add to that dilemma the fact that there are even fewer saved men, you can further understand why women latch on to the first good-looking, anointed man in church. And compounding this problem even more, our society deems a woman "incomplete" without a man. Single women (especially in their thirties) are looked at strangely if they aren't married or in a serious relationship.

Many of us have heard that question from family members or friends. Oh, you know the question I'm talking about. The one that you hear at family reunions and high school and college reunions. The "So, when are you getting married?" question. Some of them may even give you that "so-what's-wrong-with-you-that-you-can't-find-a-man" look. And once you add to that our own desire to find the "perfect man," you can see why women might be pressed to cling to the first fine, holy and sanctified man in church. And Lord knows, if he's a minister, he is truly sought-after. But ladies, let's make sure that our priorities are in order. Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." In other words, if you keep your mind focused on God, He's promised to provide your every need -- including a husband.

Part of keeping our priorities in order is remembering the reason why we go to church -- or the reason that we should be going to church. The first reason that we should be going to church is to praise God. We are there to thank Him for all He has done for us. We are there to hear a word from Him and to glorify and magnify His name. We are there to worship Him in spirit and in truth. For the fact is, He is truly our first Husband. He is the one who lay down His life for us. He is the one who gave all that He had to save us from an eternity of damnation. Do you really think He would give you a godly husband if you haven't been faithful to Him? God requires fidelity to Him first before sending your mate your way. He requires that your attention not be diverted to other people or things. He requires a real commitment to Him first. Scripture says that God is a jealous God. He will not compete for attention in your life. He will not take a back seat, and He won't be relegated to second place. So, if He's not number one in your life, you are in fact holding up your own blessing.

If we look further into God's word, we find that a woman shouldn't be looking for a husband anyway. Proverbs 18:22 says, "A man who findeth a wife findeth a good thing." It doesn't say a woman that looks for a man finds a good husband. It says that a man looking for a wife finds a good one. In other words, women, you are not to be the ones that search. I believe at the right time and under the right conditions, God will place you in the right place to meet "Mr. Right." God will make sure that you stand out and He will make sure that your God-ordained husband will notice you. God will orchestrate and maneuver situations so that you will catch his eye and grab his heart. Just take a look at the way God brought Isaac and Rebekah together. It's not hard to see that God knows just what He's doing when putting mates together. He's had a lot of practice. Why not trust Him to find that perfect man for you?

So next time you're in church and you find yourself scanning the pews and scoping out the action, remember the goal is not the man but the Maker.

Copyright 2001 Andrea R. Williams. All rights reserved.

Andrea R. Williams, the Project Coordinator with the Washington DC Chapter of the National Academy of Recording Arts & Sciences, Inc. (The GRAMMY Awards), is a singer and songwriter. In addition to being a writer for Gospelcity.com, she also is a writer for Charisma Magazine, Gospelflava Magazine and Gospel Synergy Magazine.