What Is True Forgiveness and How Can We Embrace it As Christians?
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- Published Dec 16, 2022
We can learn a lot by studying the history of words. That study is called etymology. How a word was initially used can give us a lot of insight into modern usage. In English, words are broken down into three periods of history. Old English, Middle English, Modern English.
Old English “Foregive” was a legal term that meant “to relinquish the desire, right, and power to punish.” When someone wronged you, you could take them to court to punish them. If you chose to give up your right to seek punishment or re-payment, you “foregave” them. In other words, you withdrew your case against them before it went to court.
Forgiveness is letting go of your desire and power to punish one who has wronged you. Forgiveness is letting go of your case against someone who has wronged you. Here is the interesting thing. The Middle English and Modern English meaning for “forgive” is unchanged. To forgive still means relinquishing the desire, right, and power to punish, which is problematic. It has always been hard to do.
When we are wronged:
-We get hurt.
-We get mad.
-We get even.
-We get ahead.
-We get revenge.
The holidays have a way of resurrecting old hurts and wounds. The person that caused those hurts may be a family member or friend you will see during the holidays. How do we prepare to interact with the people who have hurt us? How do we handle those old hurts and pains? We don’t want to let them go. We want to hold on to every wound and use our hurt to our advantage. We use it as our excuse to hurt them as they have hurt us. And here is the other interesting thing you will find in studying the history of the word “forgive.” Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness changed the meaning from “legal” to “personal.” To forgive was a legal term in Jesus’ day.
It meant to give you the right to be compensated legally. It meant giving up your right to go to court. It meant to give up your right to seek legal punishment. It meant you were not going to seek legal redress.
And it begins with a choice – not an emotion or feeling, but a deliberate agreement between you and God. It doesn’t matter if the person who hurt you asks for forgiveness. It doesn’t matter if we think that person does not deserve forgiveness because the truth is that none of us do.
I have learned several truths about forgiveness as I have wrestled with hurts and wounds from my past.
- If we choose to forgive, God will supply the forgiveness.
- There should be no limit to our forgiveness because there is no limit to His.
- Forgiveness is not a feeling or an emotion. Forgiveness is a deliberate choice.
We must deal with old pain before we can truly live today and tomorrow. While we cannot change the past, we can change our response to the past and dictate the power it has over us. God sent a Savior, Jesus Christ, who is calling us to forgive. The choice is ours to make. Today, we can choose freedom by choosing to forgive.
Jesus made it personal. Jesus took it to a new level, and His words changed everything. My life is better when I live what Jesus says. Jesus’ words call us to forgiveness. Jesus talks about forgiveness over 40 times in the gospels. Why so often? I think it is because He knew we would struggle deeply with forgiveness.
Let’s focus on one central teaching from Jesus about forgiveness.
“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.” Luke 6:37-39 (NIV)
When it comes to forgiveness, there is good news, bad news, and great news.
The good news: Our sins are forgiven.
This truth is excellent news and is valid for everyone.
“Our Father … has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins.” Colossians 1:13-14 (NLT)
Our sins are forgiven. Check out what the Old Testament teaches us about what does with our sins.
“Once again you will have compassion on us. You will trample our sins under your feet and throw them into the depths of the ocean!” Micah 7:19
Our sins are forgiven, trampled under Jesus’ feet, and buried in the deepest part of the ocean. The problem is some of us are committed scuba divers. So, we keep trying to bring those forgiven sins back up. Here is a word of wisdom for anyone who keeps fishing in the emotional waters of their past. Stop it! Stop dredging up forgiven sin. Stop punishing yourself. Stop choosing not to forgive yourself.
When we choose not to forgive ourselves, we reject what Jesus did for us on the cross. Stop resurrecting your sins! The good news is that God says we are forgiven.
The bad news: We experience forgiveness at the same level that we give it to others.
Ouch. Let that sink in for a moment. We experience forgiveness at the same level that we give it to others. Now back to the words of Jesus one more time.
“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.” Luke 6:37 (NLT)
You have probably heard the last part of this verse taught about generosity. I believe God is generous to us when we are generous to others, but that is not what Jesus is talking about here.
Notice the three issues Jesus addresses here:
- Judgment
- Condemnation
- Forgiveness
Give judgment – and we will receive judgment.
Give condemnation – and we will receive condemnation.
Give forgiveness – and we will receive forgiveness.
Think of it this way. Jesus has forgiven you completely. He has placed all the forgiveness you will ever need in a bank account in your name. When we die, we will be able to access all that forgiveness. But while we are living, we can only withdraw as much forgiveness as we are currently giving away to others. If I give forgiveness freely to others, I can experience God’s forgiveness freely. But, on the other hand, if I am stingy in forgiving others, I only experience God’s forgiveness at that same stingy level.
We set our forgiveness experience rate by how much we forgive others.
You know this is true. Think of the most unforgiving person you know. The friend or family member who collects grudges and hangs onto hurts. The one who is a professional martyr who never forgives anyone for anything. They are bitter and twisted by their pain because they never forgive others and never experience God’s forgiveness for themselves. I had a family member like this. She was angry and hurt and unforgiving about everything in her life and refused to forgive the people who had caused those hurts. I always dreaded her visits because her anger and hurt, and bitterness spewed out of her mouth continually - which should not surprise us. Jesus told us that what is in our hearts comes out of our mouths.
The good news: We are forgiven.
The bad news: We experience forgiveness at the same level that we give it to others.
The great news: We can experience total forgiveness if we forgive others.
“Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.” From Luke 6:37-39 (NLT)
I want to experience total forgiveness. I have tasted enough of that sweet fruit that my soul longs for it. It is mine for the taking and ours for the asking. But we experience the forgiveness of God at the same rate we offer forgiveness to others.
Suppose we use a thimble to forgive others. We will get back a thimble of forgiveness for our own lives. A cup? Or what about a five-gallon bucket? I choose the bucket because I need all the forgiveness I can get.
The choice is personal, which is why Jesus redefined forgiveness from the Old Testament standard of legal forgiveness. This is why Jesus gave us a new definition of forgiveness in the New Testament. Forgiveness is personal.
The good news: We are forgiven.
The bad news: We experience forgiveness at the same level that we give it to others.
The great news: We can experience total forgiveness if we forgive others.
That is the news on forgiveness. But let me ask two more questions. Where are you stopping the flow of the forgiveness of God? Who are you refusing to forgive?
Mary Southerland is also the Co-founder of Girlfriends in God, a conference and devotion ministry for women. Mary’s books include, Hope in the Midst of Depression, Sandpaper People, Escaping the Stress Trap, Experiencing God’s Power in Your Ministry, 10-Day Trust Adventure, You Make Me So Angry, How to Study the Bible, Fit for Life, Joy for the Journey, and Life Is So Daily. Mary relishes her ministry as a wife, a mother to their two children, Jered and Danna, and Mimi to her six grandchildren – Jaydan, Lelia, Justus, Hudson, Mo, and Nori.
