Surrender Yourself to God’s Love
Let me take this in a personal direction for just a minute. I am one of those people, who because of experiences in life, came to believe that I was unloved and unlovable. And since I believed that I was unlovable, my emotional growth was seared, and I was rendered incapable of loving others. Fortunately, God had a magnificent plan to overturn that condition.
When in my filth, I finally turned to God for help, the very first thing that He did was to supernaturally give me an experience of His love for me. Before helping me to get all of my doctrine right, before showing me how to have victory over temptation, He responded to my pursuit of Him, and my heartfelt need for Him, by allowing me to feel that “river of living water” that Jesus spoke about (John 4:10,13-14; John 7:37-39; Rev 7:17). It was an enormous flooding of my soul with pure, unadulterated, liquid love.
That was the first thing that I needed after surrendering my life to Him. I needed to know Him as He really is, as opposed to the unloving image of Him that I had concocted over the years. I needed to see Him as Love itself before I would be willing to forsake all my idols and let Him transform me into His image (2 Corinthians 3:18).
Still, my wound was deep, and that "river of living water" experience was only the first of many revelations of His love for me – some found in the pages of Scripture, others experienced in prayer and worship, and still others through the kindness of fellow believers who loved me when I was the most unlovable.
My experiences of God’s love were unexpected and immensely varied. I’ll never forget the day that I walked through a busy office where I was working, ignoring a secretary who was passing by. Suddenly God’s love for her poured through my heart and out to her. I was completely taken by surprised and greatly embarrassed at all the lovingly wonderful compliments that I suddenly felt compelled to give her. It was an experience so foreign to me that I kept my mouth shut and kept walking for fear that I would say something incredibly embarrassing. As I walked away, God said two things to me: 1. “No one has ever loved her” – a revelation that broke my heart – and 2. “I (God) can love her. Just let the love that I have for her pour through you. It is not something that you need to manufacture. It is a natural fruit of intimacy with Me."
It was a moment both devastating and frightening, as I realized that I was completely incapable of loving anyone unless I was in communion with God and operating under His unction and direction. That idea wreaked havoc with my inner vow to "remain in control of my life in order to keep people from hurting me". God was challenging me to let go of that vow and to trust Him. In other words, "Jesus, take the wheel!