Spiritual Growth and Encouragement for Christian Women

4 Things Your Pastor’s Wife Needs to Hear from You

4 Things Your Pastor’s Wife Needs to Hear from You

Her main responsibility is caring for the pastor. And if that wasn’t a big enough job, she prays for each of us daily, as well. She listens to our problems and offers godly advice. She sympathizes with our pain. On top of all that, she organizes, plans, and oversees most of the events at our church. She is the pastor’s wife, and the enemy has her in his scope.

Why are so many pastors’ wives under spiritual attack? Because the enemy knows how crucial her job is. If he can cause distraction, disappointment, or discouragement in her life, it would affect the whole church. So what can we do to help? What does our pastor’s wife need to hear from us today?

Here are four things we can say to our pastor’s wife that she desperately needs to hear from us. Speaking these words and committing to following up with action will ensure God’s protective covering over her and her family.  

1. I appreciate you.

“I do not cease to give thanks for you…” (Ephesians 1:16 ESV).

We attend services and enjoy fellowship with our church family. We drop our prayer requests into the box and shake the pastor’s hand when we leave. But if something isn’t to our liking, we may be tempted to run to her with our concerns. 

Maybe you didn’t appreciate the way the teachers handled the children’s class this morning. Or maybe the greeter at the front door wasn’t as friendly as usual. So-and-so may have said something to hurt your feelings, and you may be tempted to visit the pastor’s wife with your complaints. Before you stop her in the hall or call her after service, consider this. What if everyone confronted her today with a problem? Multiply your concern times the number of people in the church. That’s how many grievances she could hear today. 

Instead, why not offer words of acknowledgment? Let her know how much you appreciate her. Give her that encouragement Paul teaches about in Ephesians. “I appreciate you.” These three words have the power to fight off any discouragement the enemy tries to throw her way.

2. I am praying for you.

“…remembering you in my prayers,” (Ephesians 1:16b).

We often remember to pray for our pastor and the leaders of the church. But do we always include the pastor’s wife in those prayers? Most of her job is behind the scenes. As a result, we may forget about all the work she does for us. 

Let’s pray for her today, and then tell her about it. Praying blocks the enemy’s schemes.  And knowing she has our prayer support will uplift her spirits, giving her strength to do the job she is called to do.

3. I respect your leadership and your decisions.

“...that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him,” (Ephesians 1:17).

Just like God appointed the pastor to his position, He also appointed the pastor’s wife. He called her to assist her husband the shepherd in caring for the flock. So, it is not our job to question her guidance. As long as our pastors follow biblical principles and the doctrine of the church, we have no reason to doubt their decisions. 

Instead, let’s show our support by telling them we respect them as our God-ordained leaders. In fact, let’s let other people know too. Pastors do not get to hear these words often enough.

4. You can count on me.

“...having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you,” (Ephesians 1:18).

After years of serving in lay ministry, my husband and I stepped into different interim pastoring positions before becoming full-time pastors. The pressures of the job created a heavy weight that grew and grew until I felt I couldn’t get out from under it. Looking back now, I realize all I needed to do was ask for help. But back then, I had a hard time asking.

Our pastor’s wife needs our help. She may be reluctant to ask because she doesn’t want to burden or overwhelm us. If she asks for our help, we can know she has prayerfully considered all options. However, this doesn’t mean we need to jump into every opportunity before praying ourselves. We wouldn’t want to commit and then back out, creating more stress for everyone. Let’s pray about how we can help, then offer our assistance. A few extra laborers can lighten the heaviness she carries.

The pastor’s wife is a gift to us from God, sent to “equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ,” (Ephesians 4:12). Let’s choose to share life-giving words with her today. Speaking positive affirmations guarantees God’s intervention when the enemy targets her for attack. It also assures her that she is making a difference in the lives of others, replacing doubt and discouragement with joy and confidence. 


Kristine Brown is a communicator at heart who teaches about God’s powerful, relatable Word. She is the author of Over It. Conquering Comparison to Live Out God’s Plan and founder of the non-profit organization, More Than Yourself, Inc. Kristine writes about her God-story and helps others discover their own at www.morethanyourself.com.

Photo courtesy: Thinkstockphotos.com

Publication date: December 9, 2016

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