Do You Feel More Like a Mom Than a Wife?
- Keren Kanyago Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer
- Updated Feb 04, 2022
"Mom, I need help with my homework." "Mom, I can't button my shirt." "Mom, I said I am hungry." Does this chorus sound familiar? Sometimes as a mom, it can feel like all you do is hurtle from one child to the next, enthusing them, soothing them, and attending to their myriad of needs.
But. Have you considered what a blessing it is to be so needed? To have sweet beady-eyed tots looking up to you for comfort and mere survival? Raising kids is a gift and a privilege. However, it can be exhausting, especially when the kids are younger. Moms easily get caught up in the frantic "mommy duties cycle" and end up feeling less of wives and more of moms. Admittedly, it's not always easy to wriggle out of this dampening feeling. Here are eight things moms can do to find balance as they shuffle the two roles.
1. Communicate How You Feel To Your Husband
"Can't he see I am overwhelmed?" "Do I have to actually blurt out what the problem is?" Yes, you do, honey! Sorry wives, but your husband is not a mind reader. He is often clueless about what's bugging you. Left to his own devices, he cannot unriddle your exasperation. Your best bet at getting him on board is by articulating the issue to him. Besides, clear communication shows trust, honesty, and respect. It also helps to weed out any gray areas.
2. Put Things Into Perspective by Choosing Gratitude
Let's be honest, when moms feel overwhelmed, gratitude and solemnity are often the first casualties. They fly right out the window. The same blessings that we desperately hoped and prayed for flip around and become the source of our aggravation.
Look at it this way; you are juggling two precious blessings. The privilege of being both a wife and a mother. We agree that's no mean feat, but that's no mean blessing either. So take a moment and be grateful that God has bestowed these gifts on you. Then trust Him for wisdom to execute the two roles gracefully.
3. Clean Up Good
Whether you work outside the home or are a stay-at-home mom, you need to bring your "A" game on with your physical appearance. Don a fancy outfit, make your hair and if make-up is your thing, go ahead and splurge some. Studies show that grooming and dressing up well help perk up one's mood and confidence. We know the baggy tees and frumpy yoga pants are super comfy, but they do nothing for your mood. Zilch. It's time to give them the boot.
When you dress up nicely, your husband and kids feel valued because you are showing up for them with your best foot forward. Besides, you are more likely to rake in compliments from your husband, which may help you feel more like the sweet bride he walked down the aisle. Everybody wins.
4. Schedule Weekly Dates with Your Husband
Buried beneath the rumble of parenting and the humdrum of life is the charming husband you married. But you often need to ferret around to find him. Enter weekly dates. Connecting with your spouse weekly helps rekindle the romance in your marriage. It also enhances communication, relieves pent-up pressure, and strengthens commitment. Besides, research shows that couples who connect weekly have happier marriages and record fewer divorce rates. Weekly dates may mean different things for different moms - depending on the parenting stage you are in.
Don't fret if you cannot get a babysitter, friend, or relative to keep an eye on your tots as you scurry away with your boo. You can explore some indoor date night ideas when your kids are snoozing. These may include snuggling up for a movie, stargazing, board games, whipping up a meal together, indoor picnics, dancing, indoor massage, among others.
Weekly dates with your husband may be the needle mover in helping you feel more like a wife all over again.
5. Redeem Your Time
"See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil." (Ephesians 5: 15-16).
Moms have so much to do in such little time. As such, your time is as precious as gold, and you need to guard it jealously. That's because there's a flurry of distractions nipping at your heels. There's the alluring social media, TV, Email, Netflix, and many more.
To avoid plunging into a rabbit hole of unproductivity, you need to plan and plan some more. Make a daily to-do list and prioritize your tasks. Sprinkle breaks within your schedule to avoid feeling swamped. Granted, your schedule is not cast in stone. Things may spiral out of control once in a while. But don't let that dampen your resolve. Ensure to always leave some wiggle room for detours in your schedule. When you spend your time wisely, you walk with your head high because you are oozing with productivity. You also get more time to connect with your husband.
6. Break a Sweat
Sneaking in a 20-30 minute workout session in your day will perk up your life in unprecedented ways. There are many benefits of exercising, such as:
- Helps keep excess weight at bay
- Enhances better brain functioning
- Improves mood and boosts happiness
- Increases energy
- Helps ward off heart diseases and other lifestyle ailments
- Promotes better sleep
- Increases sexual arousal in women
Regular exercise is a gift that keeps on giving. It's a great way of helping moms tackle the roles of wife and mom with a spring in their step.
7. Ask for Help
"Yet you do not have because you do not ask" (James 4:2c)
Chances are that you have lovely people sprinkled around you who would be more than happy to lend a hand. But there's a little problem. You don't ask them. Moms often have a false notion that they possess some innate superpowers. They figure that they should be able to pull off a squeaky clean home, have happy, content kids, fix delectable healthy meals, and enjoy blissful marriages without breaking a sweat.
As they try to do it all, they easily get overwhelmed. Moms need to know that it's okay to ask for help. Your cousin may be more than thrilled to do the weekly grocery shopping for you. Your parents may be waiting with bated breath for you to drop the kids at their house for a weekend. As you learn to accept help, you get more time in your hands to work at feeling more like a wife.
8. Get Together with Your Girlfriends - Regularly
Have you seen two moms out on a coffee date having the time of their lives? Have you seen how immersed they get in their chit-chat? A dinosaur could amble right under their noses without them noticing. They laugh, hi-five, hug, knuckle away tears, and have heart-to-heart conversations. As they do this, their cares and worries melt like wax. Each of them goes back to their husbands and kids reinvigorated, ready to leap over hurdles. Be careful not to ditch your girlfriends when you become a mom. Friends help you tackle life's twists and turns. They remind you that you are not the only one facing challenges. They also bring out the little girl in you. Clutch onto your girlfriend's, dear moms!
"If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." (Ecclesiastes 4:10).
