Why Bad Feelings Can be Good for You
- Cindi McMenamin Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer
- 2018 11 Jan
It’s been sad that feelings aren’t bad or good, they’re simply yours. But I happen to believe that what we consider bad feelings can actually be good for us.
Take the Psalmists, for example. David described in Psalm 32 some pretty bad feelings he was experiencing after a season of sin:
"When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer" (verses 3-4).
David’s expression that God’s “hand was heavy on me” implies he was feeling a weight of guilt and perhaps shame for his sin. And the longer he kept silent about it and didn’t confess it to God the more he was “sapped” of energy and felt he was drying up.
Those “bad” feelings of guilt, shame, and regret caused David to do what was necessary for him to find relief:
"Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin" (verse 5).
In David’s case, his bad feelings turned out to be conviction by the Holy Spirit, which led him to confess His sin to God, and experience the relief that results from God’s grace and forgiveness.
When bad feelings cause you to do what is right, they can be good. We tend to want to avoid bad feelings. But when we feel badly it’s because something isn’t right in our hearts or in this world. Whether we are feeling grief from losing a loved one, regret from having missed an opportunity, guilt from sinful actions, or shame from selfishness or rude behavior, those feelings can cause us to bring our hearts before the Lord for re-evaluation, re-alignment with His priorities, and transformation into the kind of people He has called us to be.
Ecclesiastes 7:3 says: “Sorrow is better than laughter, For when a face is sad a heart may be happy.”
I believe that means when we experience sorrow, there are lessons involved, and that means growth can happen. When I, personally, experience bad feelings like guilt, shame, regret, or even anger, I can take them to God, ask Him to cleanse my heart (or give me a heart set on things above, or help me to long for Him more than the one whose loss I am mourning). By doing that, I am reminded that God is the One who specializes in redeeming those feelings and experiences into something that will grow me into a more mature believer. My relationship with Christ is renewed as a result of bringing bad feelings to God, and then I can experience that “happy heart” that Solomon talks about, or joy that comes from a right-standing relationship with God.
Here is a rundown of some “bad feelings” that can, ultimately, be good:
Grief from loss – Mourning over the loss of people reminds us of the brevity of life and the importance of setting our hearts on things above (Colossians 3:1-4). It can also make us long for Jesus and to be with Him and those who have gone before us. Nothing gives us a more eternal perspective than mourning the loss of the temporary.
Guilt and remorse – When we feel truly sorry for something we’ve done it causes us to re-evaluate our priorities and re-ignites in us a passion and desire to live rightly.
Frustration – When we feel frustrated because something “isn’t fair” it brings about the realization, once again, that things are NOT fair in this world. And that reminds us we live in a world in which only God can set things right.
- Anger – We often believe that anger is bad. But Scripture instructs: “Be angry, and yet do not sin…” (Ephesians 4:23). Anger at what disappoints or grieves the heart of God is truly good. Be angry at what divorce does to a marriage and to the kids. Be angry at what abortion does to the beating heart and to the woman who wasn’t told about the consequences. Be angry at injustice, oppression, racism, abuse, addiction, hate crimes, hypocrisy, legalism, and anything that would stir God’s wrath. But if your anger is rooted in or expressed through “fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissentions, factions, and envy” (Galatians 5:20-21), it is evidence of a lack of the Spirit’s fruit in your life, and that is something that can only be good if you allow God to break you through it and make you a person who shows grace, patience, kindness, and gentleness instead.
What feelings are you experiencing? Bring them to God and let Him sort through them, grow you through them, change your heart through them, and make you more like His Son.
Jesus experienced anger at the self-righteous pride of the Pharisees. He experienced rejection and humiliation when he hung on the cross. He was called a “man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3). Yet in spite of all those bad feelings the Son of God experienced (which allows Him to relate today to you and me), He glorified His Father in Heaven.
Cindi McMenamin is a Bible teacher and national speaker who helps women and couples find strength for the soul. She is the author of 15 books, including When Women Walk Alone (more than 125,000 copies sold), When a Woman Overcomes Life’s Hurts, When God Sees Your Tears, and When Couples Walk Together, which she co-authored with her husband, Hugh. For more on her books, ministry, or free resources to strengthen your soul or marriage, see her website: StrengthForTheSoul.com
Publication date: June 24, 2016
Cindi McMenamin is a pastor’s wife, award-winning writer, national speaker, and the author of several books to help women and couples strengthen their relationship with God and one another. She and her husband, Hugh, co-authored the book When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection. Some of her books to help you combat fear and strengthen your trust in God include When Women Walk Alone (more than 145,000 copies sold), Women on the Edge, Drama Free: Finding Peace When Emotions Overwhelm You and When Women Long for Rest. You can find out more about her ministry, books, and free resources at www.StrengthForTheSoul.com .