Three Easy Steps to Curb the Disease to Please
- Mary Hunt Debt-Proof Living
- 2010 30 Aug
I could never be a medical transcriptionist. It's not the typing or the doctors' handwriting that would deter me. My problem would be reading the symptoms and medical conditions. I'd have all of them.
To say that I am easily influenced is like saying the Titanic sprung a leak. Knowing this about myself, I wasn't all that surprised to end up with yet another condition after watching an episode of Oprah. It was devoted to the "Disease to Please." I passed her "Do You Have the Disease to Please?" self-diagnosis quiz with flying colors.
"Do you ever say yes when what you really want to say is no?" Of course I do. Doesn't everyone? Or how about this one: "Is it important to you to be liked by nearly everyone in your life?" I whipped through that quiz in about ten seconds flat answering every question yes, yes, yes, yes and ... yes!
I am learning that this "disease" is insidious as it wends its way through mind and body. It starts with wanting to be a good person. You want to be liked. You want to be chosen first, never last. You respond to everyone's requests and just keep doing more and more with promptness and perfection.
In a way, this might seem like more of a conflict than a revelation. After all, aren't we called to act with generosity out of hearts of gratitude and service? Isn't it selfish always to say no?
There is a huge difference between authentic service and using it as an opportunity to manipulate.
Some doctors say the "Disease to Please" can actually kill us. The emotional build-up of not being able to say no increases our stress hormones, such as adrenaline. That makes our hearts beat faster than normal, our blood pressure rise and blood vessels narrow. That can lead to a heart attack, stroke or even cancer.
So, what's the treatment?
Analyze your motivation. Before you say yes to anything, do a quick self-analysis. Why am I doing this? Why am I buying this? What am I expecting in return? If you can answer "nothing, in return," then your motivation is pure. If there's another answer it's probably some form of manipulation.
Realize you are in control. Becoming assertive is the way to arrest this disease. It takes courage to say no, to be honest and to set limits. Decide how much you will spend. Then stick to it.
Buy time. Experts say that time is the best antidote for the "Disease to Please," whether that's five minutes or five months. Never answer on the spot. Nothing is so urgent you cannot take time to think about it.
Acting to please can be noble and gratifying as long as the decision to do so is for the joy it brings, not for what you expect to get in return.
©Copyright 2010 Mary Hunt. Everyday Cheapskate is a Registered Trademark.
Check out Mary's recently released revised and expanded edition of The Financially Confident Woman (DPL Press, 2008).
Debt-Proof Living was founded in 1992 by Mary Hunt. What began as a newsletter to encourage and empower people to break free from the bondage of consumer debt has grown into a huge community of ordinary people who have achieved remarkable success in their quest to effectively manage their money and stay out of debt. Today, "Debt-Proof Living" is read by close to 100,000 cheapskates. Click here to subscribe. Also, you can receive Mary's free daily e-mail "Everyday Cheapskate" by signing up at EverydayCheapskate.com.