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Castles Under Attack: Defending your Marriage

  • Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg America's Family Coaches
  • 2005 2 Apr
Castles Under Attack: Defending your Marriage

Dr. Gary Rosberg says to men:

Just for a moment, imagine yourself the lord in your own castle. You hired the best architect available to help you structure your fortress. Now it's complete, your family is tucked snugly within, and you're satisfied. You kids are playing in the courtyard, your wife is busy and fulfilled, and you are leading effectively. It's a good life.

Suddenly, your peace is shattered by a hail from a sentry in one of the towers. Something strange is going on across the field.

It appears your little domain is about to be attacked. Sure enough, it comes.

Quickly hustling your wife and kids to a safe place in the belly of the fortress, you mount the walls to assess your enemy's strength. Suddenly the whole castle resounds to the sickening thud of a massive battering ram smashing into your gates. You know that your gate's huge, handpicked timbers are thick, but how long can they endure such punishment?

This little sketch of medieval warfare isn't really all that much different than the battle you and I find ourselves in today as we seek to protect our families. If you're anything like me, you live in a pressure cooker much of the time. The stage of life you're in is full of stress: Your family is growing, your career is developing, your marriage is changing, and your parents are aging. Let's face it; we're at war in this country. Our culture is attacking on every front. The wise man not only has "built his house upon the rock," but also is well prepared to stand against the onslaught.

Yes, it's too late to change the structure...but it's not too late to fight the battle. Through the ministry of America's Family Coaches, Barb and I have given our lives to join with you in the battle. Fight with all your heart and soul, because this is a battle of survival-survival of your family. Let's stay the course together.

Critical of Your Knight?
Barbara Rosberg says to women:

I once met a woman who appeared lovely from a distance, but by getting closer and talking with her I saw a different side. She seemed about the most critical woman I had ever met. Her words were negative and bitter, and void of kindness. She was critical of her children, critical of her home, critical of her hairstyle and her lifestyle...but mostly she was critical of her man.

As a young man, her husband had been known for being lighthearted and fun. Those who knew him best described him as being committed to his family and loyal to his wife. But years of chronic criticism took their toll. He had become depleted of his valor and masculinity. In later years his condition became even sadder. He was vulnerable to his wife. She held within her reach the very keys to his heart, but her inability to recognize his worth eventually wasted his inner person away.

A great deal of a man's personal success and right choices, I believe, can be traced to the woman who whispers into his ear at night. Don't get me wrong, a man remains responsible for his thoughts, his words, his life choices, and his actions, but he's naturally open to the one who holds the key to his heart.

In your mind's eye, look ahead: What will your knight look like after the next five years of being exposed to you?

You can know this for sure: Much of his success in guarding his heart will not be achieved unless you are at his side. His conquest in the raging battle he faces will greatly depend on your womanly response to him as a man.

"An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life". (Proverbs 31:10-12)

Portions of this article were adapted from Guard Your Heart, Copyright 1994 by Dr. Gary Rosberg, all rights reserved. Published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., To order this resource or to find our more about America's Family Coaches, visit or call 1-888-ROSBERG. For more information about the Divorce-Proofing America's Marriages campaign logon to

© 2003 America's Family Coaches

Married 28 years, the parents of two adult daughters and one grandson, Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg have a unique blend of insight and wisdom that touch people of all ages. Together with Gary's 25,000 hours of counseling experience and Barbara's gift of encouragement and biblical teaching, they are America's Family Coaches, equipping thousands of families across the nation through their interactive daily radio program, conferences, and marriage and family resources.