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5 Steps to Take When Marriage Feels Like a Prison

  • Rhonda Stoppe Speaker and Author
5 Steps to Take When Marriage Feels Like a Prison

“I want you to know… what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel” (Philippians 1:12 ESV)

“That’s it; I’ve had it!” Sue exclaimed as her husband stormed out the door. How long was she supposed to go on living in this difficult marriage? Almost from day one Sue knew she’d made a mistake. Throughout their courtship, her husband had seemed to be a kind and patient person. That all changed within weeks after their honeymoon. 

Sue knew God wanted her to honor her vows but over the years they had been married, leaving was always in the back of her mind. Once children came, Sue found joy in raising her kids. But now that they were older and ready to move away, her thoughts often drifted to what life might be like if she were to break free from the chains of her difficult marriage.

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1. Surrender your disappointment to Christ.

1. Surrender your disappointment to Christ.

Can you relate to Sue’s story? I know a woman who found herself in a similar situation. But after spending some years in misery, she decided to surrender her disappointment to Christ. And do you know what happened? Although her husband changed very little over the years, she changed. Her determination to trust God to make good from her difficult marriage is what God used to draw each of her kids to Christ. Her selfless Christ-honoring love for their father showed them that pressing in to knowing and loving Jesus really does bring joy––even amidst life’s disappointments.

When your life’s purpose is to know Jesus more with each passing day, the natural outcome will be for you to see life’s ups and downs as opportunities to make Christ known to those around you—especially to your children. And the more time you spend with Jesus, the more His character will spill out of your obedient life and thus create in others a desire to know Him too.

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2. Remember you are an ambassador for Christ.

2. Remember you are an ambassador for Christ.

The apostle Paul often found himself in circumstances much worse than any you and I will likely ever face. And yet he never lost sight of his mission to proclaim Christ. Listen as Paul pleaded with the believers in Ephesus: 

He urged them to be “praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak” (Ephesians 6:18-20 ESV).

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3. Realize God uses suffering for good.

3. Realize God uses suffering for good.

If you were in prison, would your prayer request be, “Hey, guys, I’m in chains for telling people about Christ. Could you keep praying for me to have additional opportunities to speak the gospel more boldly?” 

You won’t likely find yourself in chains anytime soon, but sometimes a difficult marriage can make you feel like you’re in prison––Am I right? What if God has you right where He wants you? What if, like in Paul’s life, the Lord knew you would be most effective sharing with others—including your children—the hope of salvation because of your pain? Let me put it to you this way:

If the only way God can bring your kids into the Kingdom is by showing them how faith in Jesus is real through your struggle, is it worth it? 

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4. Follow the examples of others.

4. Follow the examples of others.

My friend Tina thinks it is. She said, “If my husband’s controlling bent is what drove me to my knees and my son to Christ, it was all worth it!” Wow. Isn’t she right? (You can read more about Tina’s story in my book Moms Raising Sons to Be Men.)

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5. Understand your ultimate goal.

5. Understand your ultimate goal.

I meet people all the time who say they would do anything to help their children grow up to reach their fullest potential. And yet those same people often stop short of working to build a strong marriage. Sadly, the connection they fail to make is how the length a parent will go to love their spouse with Christ’s selfless love is an incredible contribution to their children’s stability and well-being. And their positive influence has the potential to impact not only their own children but their children and even their children’s children.

Your kids’ security lies in the health of your marriage relationship. When you live with your eyes focused on the mission God has called you to—to know Christ and make Him known—you will have learned the key to building a no-regrets marriage. When you determine to live in a manner that reflects a genuine love for Christ—no matter how smooth or difficult your marriage relationship may be—you will do far more to draw your kids to salvation than any words you could ever say. And isn’t that your ultimate goal?*

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A Prayer for Difficult Marriages

A Prayer for Difficult Marriages

Father, please help me keep my eyes on Jesus when my marriage feels like bondage. I pray you show me Your heart for my spouse and help me to draw near to You when times are hard. I ask that You show my children Christ’s character in the way I respond to my spouse and let Your light shine so brightly through me that my kids will want to love and follow Christ. Amen.
 
Author's Note: This article’s reference to living in a difficult marriage does not refer to a marriage where there is abuse. If you find yourself in a physical, verbal, emotional or any other form of abusive relationship please seek immediate safety and help from authorities and a professional counselor. 
 
Rhonda Stoppe is the NO REGRETS WOMAN. Rhonda is an evangelist who meets women at the point of their desperation and shows them the way to Christ. At her No Regrets Woman Conference she helps women break free from the regrets that hold them back––beginning with a genuine relationship with Christ. For more about Rhonda’s women’s evangelistic conferences watch this promo video. As a pastors’ wife, author, favorite radio guest and speaker, Rhonda’s delightfully authentic teaching helps women discover significance and become more influential than they ever dreamed possible. To learn more about Rhonda’s messages and to book her for your next women’s event visit her at:NoRegretsWoman.com. She is the author of Moms Raising Sons to Be Men, If My Husband Would Change I’d Be Happy & Myths Wives Believe, Real Life Romance, and The Marriage Mentor (to release 2018). Connect with Rhonda on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, and sign up for Rhonda’s monthly newsletter at NoRegretsWomans.com.
 
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