Marriage Advice From A Christian Perspective

Experiencing Intimacy...After Kids!

  • Lorilee Craker Author
  • 2005 5 May
Experiencing Intimacy...After Kids!

I am my lover's and my lover is mine.
Song of Songs 6:3

Passion after parenthood can be an incredibly elusive venture. First, there's the whole matter of giving birth, pain, sleep deprivation, our brains addled with hormones that make us want to do anything but the act that got us there in the first place. Six weeks to resume having sex? Ha! More like six years. Mom and Dad may actually get back to intimacy within a few weeks or months, but it can take what seems like eons to recapture the true passion and focus one possessed before becoming a parent.

Even after the physical damages of pregnancy are healed, there's severe narcolepsy (Sleep or sex? Duh!), the odd asexual feeling as somebody's mother, and that obstacle of obstacles: privacy! You know what I mean if you've ever had a pair of little eyes gaping at you while in the middle of a romantic interlude. Door locks come in handy, but sometimes they don't even keep out unwanted intrusions. I know one set of parents who were determined to get in a quickie before the husband went away on a three-week trip, only to have all five of their children stacked like firewood outside their door wailing that they needed Mommy!

It's amazing how the pitter patter of little feet conspire to stomp all over the activity that led to their births. But passion between parents, though challenging, is vital to a healthy marriage and thus a strong family. We are created to be sexual beings, to express our sexuality whithin the bond of marriage.

Not everyone is enthusiastic about making love, though. Many young mothers would rather fall out of an airplane than do the bedroom-based mattress mambo. It you fall under that category, it's time to go on a mission to rebuild your desire. Make passion a priority, cultivate your sexuality by flirting, kissing, and throwing those maternity underwear out the window! Carve out regular times to be together and connect as two people in love, not just roommates who happen to be raising the same set of children. Go out on dates, park the kids at Grandma and Grandpa's for the weekend, and discover again why sparks flew between the two of you. (Hint: it sure wasn't because you shared a similar potty-training philosophy!)

Here's a wonderous truth: God wants you to have a thrilling sex life! Just read Song of Songs all the way through. You'll blush. You'll wonder what the deal is with all the references to pomegranates and whatnot. And you'll know I'm right!

Ask God to help you rejuvenate your interest in sex if it's lacking. And call the man in your life and tell him he's "radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand" (Song of Songs 5:10) or something along those lines. He'll get the picture fast.


For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and will be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
Ephesians 5:31

Used by permission of Fleming H. Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group, copyright © 2005. All rights to this material are reserved. Materials are not to be distributed to other web locations for retrieval, published in other media, or mirrored at other sites without written permission from Baker Publishing Group.

Lorilee Cracker lives in Grand Rapids, Michigan, with her husband and three children. She is the author of several books for young moms, including We Should Do This More Often.