Marriage Advice From A Christian Perspective

Four Elements of a Grace-Based Marriage

  • Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg Contributing Writers
  • 2012 6 Mar
Four Elements of a Grace-Based Marriage

There are four things that if you take in and adjust even 10 degrees, you can be on the path to having a wonderfully connected, grace-filled marriage where there is love within the home. 

1. Accept Differences - We hear this a lot, but it's not always easy to put into practice. Just because it's difficult doesn't cancel out its importance - the first thing that we need to do to create homes filled with grace is to give our mates room to be different. Your husband is not your girlfriend, nor do you want him to be. You want him to be masculine and winsome and romantic. But a man is going to express himself differently than you, my dear sister in Christ. He is not a woman and, indeed, you are not a man. 

2. Be Vulnerable - In a grace-based home both spouses need to be vulnerable with the other. That means taking off our masks, owning up to our hurts, and taking responsibility in areas we've been critical, harsh, or where we have been authoritarian instead of grace-based. 

3. Allow Mistakes - When we work on our marriages, introducing new skills and truths into our relationship, sometimes we fool ourselves into expecting perfection. Your home needs to be a place where you allow your mate to make mistakes. In a grace-based home my mate is not going to be perfect, but in realizing that, I realize my mate is not my enemy. My mate is the love of my life. Where do you need to go back to your mate and say, "I came down on you too hard, will you forgive me? You can make mistakes, because I've made mistakes too." In all these areas -- allowing differences, vulnerabilities, and mistakes we must be candid. 

4. Tell The Truth - We are told in the scripture to always tell the truth, but that we must also surround it with love. In your candidness, make sure your mate always comes out feeling stronger, that opportunities will always come forth, that you are their best cheerleader, but also that you are truthful. Remember, when telling the truth is difficult, you tell the truth because Jesus tells us to take the gird, the belt of truth and wear it. Telling the truth in love will create a genuineness in your marriage that will make your mate feel secure. The truth is part of loving someone deeply.

When you demonstrate these four elements, you will have a connected marriage and a grace-based home.

Portions of this article were adapted from America's Family Coaches...LIVE! with Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg, all rights reserved. To find out more about America's Family Coaches, visit or call 1-888-ROSBERG.

© 2005 America's Family Coaches

Portions of this article were adapted from "The 5 Love Needs of Men and Women," Copyright 2000 by Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg, all rights reserved.  Published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.,  To order this resource or to find our more about Dr. Gary and Barb - Your Marriage Coaches, visit or call 1-888-608-COACH. 

 Married over 30 years, the parents of two adult daughters and five grandchildren, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg, your marriage coaches, have a unique blend of insight and wisdom that touch people of all ages. Together with Gary's 25,000 hours of counseling experience and Barbara's gift of encouragement and biblical teaching, they are equipping thousands of families across the nation through their interactive daily radio program, conferences, and marriage and family.