Marriage Advice From A Christian Perspective

God's Design for Marital Intimacy

  • Pam and Bill Farrel Contributing Writers
  • 2006 28 Mar
God's Design for Marital Intimacy

God, in His infinite wisdom, wanted to give an amazing gift to married couples that would fan the flame on their love for an entire lifetime. Contrary to the stigma that some attach to the Christian ideas on sex, our faith does not teach that sex is bad. In fact, it is a great gift. But sadly, it is a gift that is abused both outside and inside the marital covenant. In an effort to honor God within the context of our marriage unions, let’s look at some of the reasons God gave us the gift of marital intimacy.

Procreation: This one is a bit obvious. The marital embrace allows the human race to move forward. But it doesn’t just create children on a biological level. Social studies show it is preferable for the children if they are born into a loving family with both a mom and a dad united in marriage. (Genesis 1:28) In a culture that is seeking to redefine marriage and the family, this is a key foundational principle. God meant for sex to create an intact, loving, stable family unit. That was and is His Plan A. There is just less hurt and pain when things are done God’s way.

Proclamation: When a couple marries, their act of consummation is a symbolic picture of the wedding of Christ and His Church. (Check out Eph. 5) In a real sense, each time a couple enjoys each other sexually, it is a proclamation to Satan that God’s plan of love will win out over Satan’s misguided attempt to dethrone the Lord in the garden of Eden. In general, realize that a happily married couple -- one united emotionally, spiritually and sexually -- is the best antidote to the evil in the world because love is proclaimed.

Reconnection: Life is busy, and that was no surprise to God, so He planted a yearning to be together into the human soul. The deep intellectual, emotional and spiritual connection that happens during sexual union is progressive. As we grow in our married life together, we yearn for each other more and more so a wonderful cycle of union can develop which will keep a couple coming back together over and over again.

Recreation: God actually thinks sex should be fun. If you do a quick read through the Song of Songs, you see the King and his newlywed wife enjoy their relationship immensely. Song of Songs is all about a couple who enjoys a healthy sexual life, and God included it in the canon of Holy Scripture to remind us that that sex is supposed to be enjoyable.

Rejuvenation: Physical intimacy within the context of marriage is good for your emotional and physical wellbeing – it literally raises the endorphin levels so it makes you happier. When doing research for our marriage books, we discovered that the people who report being the "happiest" are those in committed marriages. We ran across study after study showing that married couples in trusting, monogamous relationships are the most fulfilled physically and feel great about life in general. So, if the show Sex in the City were more accurate it would have some actors playing the couples in your church who are celebrating their 10, 15 and 25th anniversaries. Trust rejuvenates!

For singles, your purity is preparing you for a lifetime of satisfying sex after the "I Do!" and for married couples, the next time the world tempts you to think that there are better things waiting outside of your marriage remember that God wants us to invest in this precious gift called sexual intimacy. The rewards are greater than anything instant gratification could offer. So turn off the TV today, and make your spouse a priority.

This article was adapted from the Farrel's new book Red Hot Monogamy (Harvest House Publishers).

Pam and Bill Farrel are international speakers and the authors of over 20 books including Every Marriage is a Fixer-Upper and their newest, Red Hot Monogamy. For more information on their books and ministry: 800-810-4449 or