7 Signs You Have Become Lazy in Your Relationship
- Keren Kanyago Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer
- 2023 5 Jan
James promised his wife Leah that he would pick her up from work and drop her off at her friend's dinner party. She was elated at the prospect, flinging her arms around his neck before planting a peck on his cheek. Leah's car had been with the mechanic all week, and she was grateful that James had been so thoughtful.
As the day unspooled, James started poking holes in his evening plans. He was feeling a little tired and could use some downtime. He called His wife and requested that she get a cab to the party. He wanted to dash home and get some shut-eye. Needless to say, Leah felt hurt, neglected, and unloved. James had blown it by allowing laziness to keep him from loving his wife.
Nobody likes to be referred to as lazy. But when we fail to exert ourselves for our spouses, we are plainly being lazy. Here are seven ways to tell if you have become lazy in your relationship.
1. You Do Not Nurture Your Marriage
In life, anything that is not tended to degenerates. Take a flower garden, for example; it needs watering, exposure to sunlight, fertilizer, pesticides, pruning, weeding, and soil replacement, among other things in order to bloom. If you leave the garden alone without lifting a finger, it morphs into an unsightly bush.
In the same way, if you are too lazy to nurture your marriage, you are signing up for a dull marriage. Think about the amount of time you spent together when you were dating. You went for countless dates, splurged affection on each other, and ensured you were in constant communication. This made you feel so strongly connected that you wanted to spend every waking moment together.
In marriage, this nurturing should not grind to a halt. Hold onto date nights, movies, nature walks, weekend getaways, massages, games, and other activities that will enliven your relationship. Remember that you will reap from your marriage what you have sown. You will have nothing to reap if you are not sowing anything due to laziness. Don't allow laziness to snuff out the fire in your marriage, keep doing the things that matter to your spouse.
"I went by the field of the lazy man, and by the vineyard of the man devoid of understanding; and there it was, all overgrown with thorns; Its surface was covered with nettles; Its stone wall was broken down. When I saw it, I considered it well; I looked on it and received instruction: A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest; So shall your poverty come like a prowler and your need like an armed man." (Proverbs 24: 30-34).
2. You are Rarely In the Mood for Sex
Sex is a crucial ingredient in marriage. It helps couples feel intimately bound to each other, connect emotionally and forgive each other easily. Relationship experts say that sex is what cements a marriage. Though various factors would cause one to lose interest in sex (such as illness), laziness tops the list.
Are you enthusiastic about everything else but sex? Are you constantly shooing away your partner when they try to get cozy with you? Do you rarely initiate sex, making your spouse wonder whether you have entirely lost interest in the marriage? Paul advised couples not to deprive each other of sex.
"The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." (1 Corinthians 7: 4-5).
Don't allow laziness to cause you to deprive your partner of sex. Who knows, they may even be tempted as a result.
3. You Gloss Over Important Dates and Occasions
It's your spouse's birthday, but you couldn't be bothered to do anything special for them. It's your wedding anniversary, but there are no special plans in place. You would rather not go through the inconvenience of planning a surprise, booking flights, making reservations, and arranging for a babysitter. "It's too much work; besides, we could use that money to buy the kids some new bikes." You argue.
Disregarding your relationship's notable dates and occasions is a tell-tale sign that laziness has crept up on you. Think back on your first year together. You probably went all out to spoil your loved one. You didn't bat an eye as you emptied your saving to get your loved one the most luxurious jewelry set. You may need to retrace your steps and make your partner feel special all over again.
4. You've Neglected Your appearance
Most people put their best foot forward when they are dating and early on in their relationship. They clean up well, put on their best outfits, and keep in shape. Their partner can't help but fall in love with this enthralling person who looks like the sun and smells like roses. But after having tied the knot and getting used to each other, laziness kicks in. They toss away their best practices like a cloak.
The dazzling outfits are now reserved for special occasions. Enter frumpy tees, yoga, and sweat pants. What's more? Before long, extra pounds may start gnawing on their bodies, and their health and wellness fall by the wayside. This, too, doesn't seem to ruffle them. "I don't have time for exercise!" They argue.
Your spouse deserves the best version of yourself. This does not mean that you should wear a fancy dress while doing laundry or a full-fledged suit while mowing the lawn. Dress appropriately but make sure you still look sizzling for your spouse. Don't disregard your hair just because you are not leaving the house. Don't forget to put on some cologne. Take on some exercise to keep fit. Don't give your spouse a lousy version of yourself due to laziness.
5. You Prioritize Your Kids Over Your Spouse
Let's say your husband's company has a dinner coming up, and you are invited. This dinner is very important to him because he is receiving the "employee of the year award." He can't wait to soak in this moment with you by his side. Besides, he's eager to show you off to his colleagues. But there's a small problem. You are unsettled about leaving the kids behind. You know they will be fine under the care of your trusted babysitter, but you will miss them sorely. Besides, they are so hooked to your bedtime cuddles. You are certain that their night will be miserable without you. So you turn down your husband's invitation to please your kids.
Prioritizing your kids above your spouse is another sign of flirting with laziness. Remember that your kids can be attended to by a trusted family member, friend, or babysitter. But no one can help you meet the emotional needs of your spouse. You've got to be the one to do it.
6. You Make Vain Promises
Perhaps your spouse is irked by some of your habits. Maybe they are annoyed because you don't pick up after yourself or because you speak to them while scrolling through your phone. You express remorse over your distasteful habits and promise to ditch them. Your spouse is excited as they anticipate the "new you."
As days turn into weeks, your partner cannot see any change. You carry on with the same repulsive habits unperturbed. You couldn't be bothered to tweak your lifestyle because you have become lazy in your relationship. This leaves your spouse frustrated, which can trigger resentment.
7. You Don't Communicate Clearly With Your Partner
Glossing over conversations without taking time to give your partner the deets is another glaring sign of laziness. Let's say you attended a relative's wedding alone. When you get back home, your spouse will obviously want to know how the wedding was. "How was the wedding?" They may ask. If you reply by merely saying, "It was good," then you are missing the mark. Your partner expects you to provide them with a few more details. Who else was there? Did anyone ask after me? Did you take pics with the new couple? You owe your partner all the juicy details, but laziness will keep you from taking the trouble to paint a vivid picture for your partner.
Additionally, talking to your partner while scrolling through your phone is another sign of laziness. It's unfair to be caught up with the lives of other people while your spouse is right there with you trying to catch your attention. Be present while communicating with your spouse. Give them undivided attention.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/fizkes
Keren Kanyago is a freelance writer and blogger at Parenting Spring. As a wife and mom, she uses her blog to weigh in on pertinent issues around parenting, marriage, and the Christian Faith. She holds a degree in mass communication with a specialty in print media. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram and/or shoot her an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.