How to Choose to Love Your Spouse, Even When You Don’t Feel Like It

When you first get married, life is grand. You’re head over heels in love. Everything your partner does is incredible, and your future looks bright. It’s easy to overlook their bad habits because you are so deliriously in love. The first few years are absolute bliss, and you can’t imagine ever being annoyed or frustrated with your partner. They are amazing.

However, the longer time goes on, the more comfortable you get with each other. You have good days and bad days; some days, you have to choose to love your spouse even when you don’t feel like it. There will be days when you annoy each other and get on each other’s nerves, but that is married life from time to time.

The Comfortable Side of Married Life

The longer you’re married, the more comfortable you get with each other, and sometimes you forget to do the little things, which can lead to great frustration. Here are some examples.

Forgetting something at the store-You, send your spouse to the store for something important, like an ingredient for a recipe or, even worse, toilet paper, and they forget.

Forgetting to take out the trash-Your spouse leaves for work for the third time this week and forgets to take the garbage to the compactor at your apartment complex to drop off on the way. Also, your spouse forgot to put the trash out on trash day for pickup at your house.

Not putting clothes in the hamper-In the beginning of your marriage, chances are they always put their clothes in the hamper, but as time has gone on, they now leave them on the floor on their side of the bed. This causes things not to get washed on laundry day, which causes frustration when needing work clothes.

Breaking your favorite thing-Even though most of the time it’s an accident, it’s frustrating when things get broken. For example, my husband broke my favorite mug. It read, “If You Don’t Talk To Your Cat About Catnip, Who Will?” Was I annoyed? Yes. Do I still love him? Also yes.

Leaving wet towels on the floor-This is another pet peeve for most couples and rarely happens in the early days.

Leaving stuff all over-Leaving things all over and not putting them where they belong can also be an issue. Things like leaving their shoes lying out, not hanging their coat in the coat closet when they get home, or leaving work-related things on the dining room table.

Not putting dishes in the dishwasher-Leaving dishes on the coffee table or side table that need to be put in the dishwasher.

Forgetting to fill up the car with gas-There is nothing like being almost empty and asking your spouse if they could please go fill up your car when they take it to pick up groceries.

Forgetting to do that “one thing”-We all have baffling busy days where we depend on our spouse to do that “one thing” that has to get done that day, whether it’s paying a bill, doing a specific load of laundry, or taking a package to the post office.

Remembering the good things about our spouse in the face of frustration.

Although these are minor examples, they can still lead to great frustration. In these times, it is best to stop and reflect on the good things about your spouse. Think about your top three favorite things about them. Remember why you fell in love with them in the first place? Think about what a good co-parent they are. You may also want to reflect on your favorite experiences you have had with them. Things like a vacation you went on, something you did that may be on your bucket list, your wedding day, or even the birth of your first child. Take a deep breath and concentrate on the good things about your spouse. This will help you calm down and not snap or blow up.

Most importantly, remember what the Bible says about loving our spouse. Remember what love is; patient, kind, not boastful or rude, does not demand its own way, nor does it keep a record of being wronged.

What does the Bible say about loving our spouse? Many verses talk about loving your spouse.

“And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submitting to their husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife, as Christ is the head of the church. He is the savior of his body, the church.” (Ephesians 5:21-23)

“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ gave up the church. He gave his life for her.” (Ephesians 5:25, NLT)

“Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32, NLT)

“At last!” exclaimed the man. “This one is from my bone and flesh from my flesh. She will be called ‘woman’ because she was taken from ‘man.’ This explains why a man leaves his mother and father and is joined by his wife, and the two are united into one. (Genesis 2:23-24, NLT)

“The man who finds a wife is a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22)

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

“Fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth, but only the Lord can give an understanding wife.” (Proverbs 19:14, NLT)

Choosing to love them, even if we don’t like what they do.

Besides remembering what love is and how the Lord wants us to love our spouses, we also remember that they are human like we are. We all have off days and habits that we have difficulty breaking. We all forget things from time to time. Even though we don’t always like what our spouses do, we must always love them.

We do things and get on their nerves as well. This is part of being married and living with another human being. Learning about each other’s idiosyncrasies, quirks, and habits takes a while. This doesn’t come overnight. Living with someone differs from dating them. My husband and I have had days when we get on each other’s nerves, but do we still love each other? Absolutely, almost eleven years later.

However, no matter how frustrating it gets, we are called to love our spouse as Christ loved the church. Like his love for us is forever, so is our love for our spouse, no matter what.