Marriage Advice From A Christian Perspective

Living in a Loveless Marriage

  • Cindi McMenamin Author of Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs
  • 2009 27 Oct
Living in a Loveless Marriage
Jean lived for years in a loveless marriage.

Her husband was not one to communicate his love to her through words, or demonstrate it through his actions, nor did he express any desire to spend time with her. So Jean resolved about 10 years into her marriage to try to be content without his love so she wouldn't end up seeking it somewhere else.

Jean knew the only way to be content without her husband's love was to seek an expression of love from God. Jean knew from Scripture that the Lord is her "spiritual husband" (Isaiah 54:5), but she struggled with feeling God's love and presence in her life.

"For years, I asked God to help me feel His love," she said. But because Jean was looking for something tangible, something emotional, she continued to feel unloved and alone.

Then one day, while meeting with a friend for coffee, another woman showed Jean the facts from Scripture about God's love for her. Jean's friend pointed out to her several examples in Scripture where God not only spoke His words of love to her, but demonstrated them through His actions. Jean became aware of the power of the words in First 1 John 4:9-10: "This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love; not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."

Sometimes, like Jean, we don't feel God's love, either. When we enter a marriage expecting our need for love to be filled through another person and find ourselves disappointed, instead, we may find ourselves even more desperate for God's love. But those are the times we need to rely on the facts, rather than our feelings. God presented the facts - evidence of His love for us - in Scripture.      

The facts are that:

  • God loved us so much He sent His Son to die in our place (1 John 4:10).
  • There is nowhere we can go where His presence is not with us (Psalms 139:7-11).
  • Nothing can separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:28-39).

God Word says "without faith it is impossible to please God." Therefore, we are not to rely on feelings, but to have faith in the facts.  Feelings change depending on our circumstances, our moods, our hormones. Facts stay the same, regardless. When faith comes first - "I will believe it because He said it"- the feelings sometimes follow. 

On those days when you don't feel God's love, will you look, instead, at the facts? Will you focus on the fact that Christ went to the grave and back to get you as His own?  Only One Man on this earth could do that for you. And He did - 2,000 years ago.  Remember that. Hold onto that. And feel the love.

The Bible says "neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39)."

Let me add to that list:  Neither fear nor doubt, neither uncertainty nor unbelief, neither guilt nor shame, neither rejection nor abandonment, neither insecurity nor a sense of worthlessness will be able to separate you from the love of God. Nothing.

That makes you inseparable from the love of God no matter how much you may feel unloved by anyone else. When you begin to doubt your  Savior's love,  turn to the hard evidence found in God's Word. And you will find you are one loved lady!

Let this prayer strengthen your heart by reminding you of His love for you today:

Maker of my Heart, You have searched my heart and You know me. And therefore You knew what I would need to hear - from Your Word - to be convinced of Your love for me. Thank You for not only telling me in Your Word that I am Your beloved, but showing me, through Your actions. No greater love exists than the love You had and demonstrated for me when You gave up Your life for me so that I could live eternally with You. On days when I don't feel loved, help me to remember the facts about what You have done on my behalf.

October 26, 2009

Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker and the author of several books including "Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs" and "When Women Walk Alone" (more than 100,000 copies sold). For more on her ministry, see her website: