Paula was desperate when David, her husband of ten years, stormed out the door. She knew she’d pushed him too far. Their fight was the last straw, as he put it. Over the years, Paula and David had grown apart. Since David felt like a failure in their marriage, he had devoted himself to his career––where he felt his worth.
Most of the time, Paula was lonely for David’s companionship. But whenever he was home, she found herself making dishonoring comments in an attempt to manipulate him to do better. Even when Paula knew her silent treatment was putting a wedge between them, she just couldn’t help herself. She wanted to change––she needed to change––if she was going to save her marriage. But how?
Does Paula and David’s story hit close to home? In our experience as biblical marriage counselors my husband, Steve, and I have heard variations of this scenario. Many Christian couples who attempt to put their best foot forward at church are secretly suffering behind closed doors. Perhaps you are one of those couples.
Is there hope for you? The Bible says there is always hope for anyone who seeks God’s help. The transformation must begin with you, my friend––with you. I can hear you protest. But, she is the problem. He needs to change, not me. If my spouse would only change then we could be happy.
Here’s the thing: If you stay focused on what you think your spouse should change, your marriage is likely doomed. Even if it doesn’t end in divorce, staying married out of duty is not exactly the type of marriage most people want to endure––right? I feel so strongly about helping couples debunk this myth that I even wrote a book, titled If My Husband Would Change I’d Be Happy - And Other Myths Wives Believe!
The only thing you can control in your failing marriage is you. Your thoughts, your responses, your commitment to change. Are you ready to do the hard work to restore your marriage? I hope so. Because in the many years we’ve counseled couples, we’ve seen these biblical steps transform marriages. I believe they can help you too.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/SerhiiSobolevskyi
Let’s unpack 5 necessary steps you can take to help restore your marriage: