7 Beautiful Ways to Support Those Who Have Miscarried
- Emma Danzey Contributing Writer
- 2021 14 Oct
As I have entered further into adulthood, I am noticing in the lives of my friends the devastating loss of miscarriages. This is a word that many people have not brought up publicly because of the shame and pain associated with it. However, I am starting to notice how more and more women are becoming brave and sharing their stories of loss and using it as an encouragement for others.
As a friend on the outside, it can be challenging knowing how to love those going through this hardship. Today I want to share how to support those who have miscarried.
1. Listen to Them
Providing a safe place to give them a voice in their pain is a huge blessing. I am a fixer and I want to provide solutions, but in this kind of loss, there is not a “band-aid answer.” The best thing to do for a friend in this situation is to give her a place to share her heart and process her emotions.
Listening is an art that we can all grown in. When we hear her words, we can better understand her needs, how to pray for her, and how to encourage her personally. No two miscarriages are the same. They are all difficult, but there is not a one size fits all solution to those who experience this. We need to be sensitive to listen and provide a security to our friend or family member who is suffering.
2. Acknowledge the Loss with Them
There is nothing more hurtful to a woman who has lost a baby than to try to “soften the loss” by saying the baby wasn’t fully formed, the baby was not born yet, or anything that lessens the reality of the loss of life.
As Christians, the Bible tells us that life begins at the moment of conception. Psalm 139:16 says, “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your books were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” It is vital that we mourn with those who mourn and sit in the reality with them that they have lost a loved one.
3. Pray for Them and With Them
The sweetest gift to give someone who is grieving is the gift of prayer. Whether you are praying on your own or with them, crying out on her behalf to the Lord is a special honor. Prayer matters. Prayers make a difference. Continue to pray on your friend’s behalf, even weeks and months after the miscarriage. She still needs prayers.
Use Scripture to pray over her, pray for her heart to heal and her life to be filled with joy in the difficulty. Pray that she not despair or lose hope. Pray that she would be open to however the Lord wants to build their family, even if it is not through childbirth, but adoption.
4. Encourage Their Marriage
A miscarriage can cause strain on a marriage. Pray for your friend’s unity with her husband. Encourage her to be open and honest with him about what she is going through if she is not. Motivate her to spend intentional time with him and to still keep her husband as the 2nd priority in her life next to Jesus.
When our focus becomes so much on our loss, the enemy can use that sadness to do damage on a marriage relationship. Encourage them to pray together, date each other, be intimate, and if needed seek Christian counseling to walk through this loss together.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Rawpixel
5. Remember Her Due Date
Be aware of what the due date was supposed to be for the baby. I know my friends have dreaded the due dates when they were going to meet their babies. Think of ways in which you can especially love on her that day.
Send her a care package. Call her and talk with her. If you live in the same city, spend time together or do something special. The due date is a hard day for a mom and for a dad. It is a day that marks a lost dream. Think of how you can uniquely bless your friend on a very difficult day.
6. Be Sensitive on Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day rolls around every year. It can be such a joyful day or a reminder of the loss of life. Your friend is still a mother by God’s definition. Think of how you can encourage her that day. Bless her with a card, gift her with a paid massage, get her flowers, or go shopping. Try to be aware that this is an annual day that can be a struggle and hurt to her.
7. Know When to Point Her to Professional Help
It is wonderful to be a listener and friend through as hard time. However, if your friend is not getting professional Christian counseling and you see signs of depression or anxiety in her that you are not equipped to help with, please send her towards a professional. Encourage her that this is not a shameful decision, but a brave choice to get stronger and process this horrible loss in her life.
We can love and encourage, but we can only give someone what we have been equipped to provide. I have seen how counseling has really benefitted my friends who have gone through these kinds of losses and helped them move forward.
I am so proud of the women who are sharing their stories of miscarriages and making it known how common and heartbreaking it can be. We can stand beside our sisters in these challenges and help them to feel valued and loved in their losses. We can listen, mourn with them, pray for them, encourage their marriages, remember their due dates and Mother’s Day, and know when to guide them to higher equipped individuals.
It is our calling as believers to mourn with those who mourn. Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Help your friends not to grieve in silence, but to know that you are there for them and walking with them through this loss.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Kikovic
Emma Danzey’s mission in life stems from Ephesians 3:20-21, inspiring young women to embrace the extraordinary. One of her greatest joys is to journey with the Lord in His Scriptures. She is wife to Drew for over two years and mom to baby Graham. Drew and Emma serve with Upstate CRU college ministry in South Carolina. Emma is an avid writer for Salem Web Network and provides articles on the Bible, life questions, and on the Christian lifestyle. Her article on Interracial Marriage was the number 1 viewed article on Crosswalk for the year 2021. All the glory to the Lord! She had the joy of hosting Her Many Hats podcast where she explored the many roles that women play while serving One God. Most recently, Emma has released her first Bible Study Book, Wildflower: Blooming Through Singleness.
Emma enjoys singing/songwriting, fitness classes, trying new recipes, home makeover shows, and drinking tea! During her ministry career, Emma recorded two worship EP albums, founded and led Polished Conference Ministries, ran the Refined Magazine, and served in music education for early childhood. Emma also had the privilege of having been a national spokesperson for Mukti Mission based out of India. Mukti has been working to restore shattered lives in India for over 120 years. You can view her articles through her blog at emmadanzey.wordpress.com