Marriage Advice From A Christian Perspective

Why the Honeymoon Stage Doesn't Last

Why the Honeymoon Stage Doesn't Last

Most people know of the honeymoon stage as that period of perfection between you and the one you love. It’s the stage where you have fallen so head over heels for each other that nothing can tear you apart. You feel as if you are on your honeymoon every day. It’s the stage where every day feels like Valentine’s Day. Often, when a couple is in this stage, they believe it will never end because they can find no fault in the other person; everything they do is charming and endearing.

Most people don’t choose to fall out of this stage, but over time, you get in your first disagreement and begin to realize perhaps your perfect partner isn’t perfect after all. You begin to see their imperfections, and inevitably the perfect honeymoon seems to be over.

What if the honeymoon stages were designed to be temporary and not last forever? While God loves the union of marriage, what if we were never designed to be entirely fulfilled by our spouses forever?

The honeymoon stage doesn’t last because we were never designed to be fully fulfilled on this side of eternity.

We tend to seek perfection in all areas of our lives, like the perfection we experience in the honeymoon stage with our spouses. The problem is that we experience a glimpse of what feels like perfection, and therefore we hope to continue living in this stage of fulfillment. But yet, just like any good thing, we are left feeling disappointed that this stage comes to an end.

However, we were never designed to be fulfilled on this side of eternity. Have you ever wondered why you continue to seek that next best thing or insist on staying in that perfect place of the honeymoon stage, then find yourself disappointed when the fulfillment ends? We have convinced ourselves that if we can get that dream job or perfect husband, our lives will be complete.

We were never made to experience this lasting fulfillment on this side of eternity, on earth. However, we were made from a place of perfection and will one day be in a place of perfection. But while we are living here on earth, we won’t experience this.

Genesis tells us in the beginning that our human heart was created in perfection in the Garden of Eden. There was no sin. It was beautiful and peaceful. It was whole and completely fulfilling. We didn’t long for a season of happiness or a spouse to complete us to make us whole because we were already whole. We didn’t go in and out of stages like the honeymoon stage and were disappointed once the stages ended. We were in a perfect world. We were created from this.

Then enters the serpent in Genesis 3, where he tempted man to eat from the tree of life that God instructed her not to eat from. We know that Eve took of the fruit that God forbid her to eat. (Genesis 3:6). This is the moment that sin entered the world, and evil separated us from the perfection of God. This is the moment that all perfection ended. Our world we still live in today was cursed as God tells men and the serpent that “because you have done this, you are cursed.” (Genesis 3:14) They were then thrown out of the perfect Garden to live in the world we still live in today.

Now, let’s fast forward to Revelation; we are told that while we are not in perfection on this earth today, we will one day end in perfection, and this is a hope we can cling to. Revelation 21:3 promises us that “there shall be no more curse” in the restored Garden of Eden when Jesus comes back and the curse is lifted.

So, where does that leave us today? We began in perfection, and our hearts were made from this place. We long for it, and one day as we are promised, we will live in a state of perfection with our Maker. We are not quite there yet. We are in the messy middle path of our sin-filled, disease-stricken cursed world—a not-so-perfect world full of imperfections.

We long for the honeymoon stage in our life to last forever with our significant other. We long for these moments of honeymoon stages in many areas of our lives. We long for perfection here on earth in a world full of imperfections. We long for this because we were created for it. We long for it, thirst for it, and chase after all kinds of love to fulfill this desire for perfection. But the truth is all other loves in this world, including our spouse’s love, is no comparison for the love of our One True Love, our Savior. And all these other loves, these lesser loves, were never meant to fulfill us on this side of eternity.

The honeymoon stage doesn’t last because lesser loves will always disappoint.

Because we have this longing to be fulfilled and complete, we strive to fill this longing as there is a missing piece inside us since we are broken living in a broken world. We desperately thirst to fill this longing for perfection that most of us tend to chase lesser loves of this world that we hope will quench our thirst. But in reality, these lesser loves still leave us thirsty for more.

Sometimes they satisfy us for long seasons of our life, but more often than not, the satisfaction lasts but for a mere moment.

Maybe you waited your whole life to meet your spouse, and the honeymoon stage was exactly what you hoped for. But the moment the honeymoon stage ends, we wonder why we are still not completely whole. We wonder why, at times, we are still disappointed. We wonder in the honeymoon stages with our spouse why it doesn’t last forever.

The honeymoon stage doesn’t last because lesser loves will always disappoint us. Human creation and things in this creation were never meant to fulfill us and fill that craving for perfection we have. We are to love our spouses, and there is so much biblical truth and directions to help us throughout Scripture and guide us in doing so. But they are not meant to fulfill us – to complete us fully. They are not meant to give us the honeymoon type of feelings every day. They are not meant for us to love more than we love Our One Love – Our Maker. Jesus highlights this when he talks about the first and greatest commandment in Matthew 22:37, which is to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your mind and all your soul, then we are to love our neighbors as our self” as the second greatest commandment.

Lesser loves, even our very own spouses, will disappoint us. We are instructed to first love our God with all we are, not to put all our weight on our spouses and live a life in the honeymoon stage forever because they won’t last forever.

The honeymoon stage doesn’t last because lesser loves will always disappoint us. Think about it: if these other loves never disappointed us, we would not need God Himself. We would be fulfilled alone in our spouse and wouldn’t seek our One True Love – God.

The lasting honeymoon stage can only be fulfilled by God Himself.

We can try to keep the honeymoon stage lasting forever, but the truth is, nothing does. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 tells us, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.”

Every season we walk in with our spouses serves a purpose, and there is a season for everything. The honeymoon stage is a beautiful season we walk through, but it is not lasting. Our God is the one that is lasting. For he is the “Alpha and the Omega…the One who is and who was and who is to come…” (Revelation 1:8)

Everything He has done, everything He is presently doing, and everything to come in the future is for His lasting purpose. He is in every stage of our lives, and His presence, His love, and everything that makes Him God is the only thing that is forever lasting and the forever fulfillment in our lives. Anything else in our life is temporary and second best.

A beautiful example of God teaching His lasting fulfillment is the story of the woman at the well.

This woman tried to obtain fulfillment running from one next thing and one season to the next, running after the temporary thirsts of the world. This woman went from man to man, husband to husband, honeymoon stage to the next honeymoon stage, and five husbands later, she still didn’t feel complete. All those stages and seasons she was chasing and thirsting after didn’t last. Her longing and brokenness could never be fulfilled because she was chasing the wrong love.

Jesus said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again [the water of this world], but whoever drinks of the water I shall give them will never thirst. The water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” (John 4:13-14)

Our gracious Jesus told the woman at the well that she was still thirsty because she was drinking from the water of this world, this fallen world. This sin-filled, sickness-filled, hurt-filled, heartbroken-filled, temporary-fulfilling, empty world – will always leave us thirsting for more. Jesus then goes on to say that the water and life He offers will spring forth water that is overflowing – a fountain springing forth of lasting endless water. He promises that those who drink from His cup will never thirst again. Unfortunately, many of us, too, like the woman at the well, run to lesser loves to fulfill what God was only intended to satisfy. Some of us run to the next honeymoon stage of our lives like the woman at the well did, or others of turn to lesser loves to feel the same type of temporary honeymoon stage feeling.

Let’s stop searching in all the wrong places and start seeking the Lord and the living water He has to offer. It is the only lasting and fulfilling stage that will last forever. We can stand confidently in Him and Him alone that will forever complete us and stop chasing lesser loves. For it is His love, not our lesser loves and temporary honeymoon stages, that “endures and lasts forever.” (Psalm 136: 1-26)

Photo credit: ©Sharon McCutcheon/Unsplash

Alisha Headley is a writer + speaker who has a desire to meet the everyday woman in her everyday life with biblical truth. Stepping into her true calling, she left the corporate world behind as a former-financial VP to love on her family as a stay-at-home wifey + dog mama, while also being able to pursue her passion as a writer. Healing from a chapter of life consumed with lies she once believed about herself, she is inspired to point women to Christ to experience the freedom + power to overcome those lies with the truth written in God’s word. In her free time, Alisha enjoys road trips around the country, working out so she can eat her favorite foods, and creatively styling her outfits with a craft for fashion. Alisha is a proud wifey and dog mama living in Scottsdale, Arizona.

You can follow her blog by visiting her website or connect with her on facebook + instagram.