3 Ways Boys Are Different Than Girls and How That Should Inform Our Parenting
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- Published Oct 19, 2023
I am a mom to three amazing and very different boys. They are intelligent, kind, sensitive, silly, and love being active. I am also a mom to two beautiful girls. Each of my kids is unique and special, not just because they are different in gender but because they all have different personalities and stories. That being said, there are definite differences in the ways I see my girls develop than my boys. My girls are big thinkers. They take in so much more context and are natural caregivers. They bring their brothers their snacks while the boys barely remember to brush their own hair or put on their own shoes. My boys are focused on the moment and are much more concerned with experiencing the world than caring for it.
Of course, the differences I observe are just one antidote, and everyone's children and families are unique, but there is real science that highlights that biological girls and boys develop differently and learn best in different ways. As the culture moves farther away from the notion of biological genders, I think it’s more important than ever that we bring the science of gender differences back into the conversation. Understanding how our minds and bodies are unique better equips us as we raise our children.
Just in the same way we would have a child with autism assessed and learn how their brain works in order to better guide them, we need to be aware of the unique ways God has created each gender. Sadly, most of our society has developed its programs, schools, and more without consideration of how boys and girls each thrive in different spaces.
As a result, most of our schools are made for the more typically developed girl, and the statistics confirm this to be true. Recent studies done across 30 countries, including the US, have found that girls outperform boys in K-12 in every subject! Obviously, something is off when, across the developed world, boys are consistently behind their female peers in their school performance. Science has the answer to many of the reasons why boys are not achieving their potential in our current cultural climate.
Here are a few ways boys’ brains develop differently and how this can impact them as they try to fit into a world built for the girl’s brain:
1. Boys Brains Develop More Slowly and Differently Than Girls Brains
Did you know that boys’ brains develop at a different pace and order than girls’ brains do? Neurologist Dr. Bruce Perry has even stated that our current educational system creates an environment that is biologically disrespectful. He believes educators need to be informed about the differences in boys’ and girls’ development so they can create lessons that respect those differences.
Research has shown that there is a difference between male and female brain structure, size, and the sequence of development in different regions. For girls, the areas of the brain that help with language and fine motor skills develop about six years earlier! For boys, the area that is involved in targeting and spatial memory matures about four years earlier. This makes a major difference in how your child is going to perform given certain tasks. This is just one major developmental discrepancy, and there are many more. Once puberty hits, the male and female timeline is even more unique, making this season even tougher for the genders to thrive under the same set of conditions.
2. Boys Learn Best with Movement and Pictures
How boys learn best is different than how our little girls learn. Why does this matter? Well, when you send that cute little five-year-old boy to school next to those sweet girls, he’s likely to have a lot more trouble staying still and attending to the text that is being presented to him. Boys have a greater part of their cerebral cortex dedicated to spatial and mechanical function. This means they will learn best if they are allowed to move and draw, and pictures are added to their curriculum.
Girls have more serotonin and oxycontin in their system, leading them to be calmer. This difference means boys are less likely to sit quietly in their seats and much more likely to be diagnosed with ADD and ADHD. This chemical difference is often misunderstood and can lead teachers to struggle with how to effectively teach little boys, especially when our classrooms are made with the idea that young students should be able to sit and listen in order to learn.
Not to mention, boys often take longer to master subjects such as reading and writing due to the differences in the ways their brains develop. This can lead to young boys easily getting discouraged in an education system that has significantly raised the academic expectations for kindergarten to exceed what is developmentally appropriate. Learn about how your boy's brain has uniquely been made and advocate for him to have appropriate expectations set for him in school and elsewhere if he is being perceived as a struggling child. Let’s let them excel in the ways God has designed them to operate rather than force them to conform to a world that misunderstands who they were created to be.
3. Young Boys Are More Sensitive to Stress
Have you ever heard the comment that baby boys are harder than girls, but teen girls are harder than boys? Well, there is some science to back up this claim! Baby boys cry more, demand more, and smile less! Baby boys are more negatively affected by stress and require more comfort from their parents. The reality that boys' brains take longer to mature means they are actually more vulnerable to non-nurturing influences over time than girls.
Ultimately all of our children need us to hold them close and nurture them with love, but what makes this fact more important to understand for boys is that it goes against the common idea that we need to “toughen up” young boys. Boys are actually more sensitive to this kind of parenting, and oftentimes, this leads them towards aggression and more mental health struggles. Our boys need us to hear them, see them, and show them grace, all the while setting proper boundaries for them. It’s time we throw out this narrative about how to create overly macho young men! In order to grow healthy and strong men, they need to be strongly nurtured and guided by their caregivers.
Ultimately, God made a beautiful and diverse world full of wonderfully unique humans that are each made in his image. None of us fit in a one-size-fits-all box! But it’s important to understand how God’s good plan for gender roles and development impacts how we grow into who he has created us to be. This information can help us better love our kids and guide them through the many ups and downs that we all face as we watch our kids grow into adults and beyond.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Sanja Radin
