There is no manual for parenting! All of us just one day become Mom and Dad. We suddenly have to figure out how to care for and shepherd a human body, mind, and soul! It's heavy and difficult work. Physically, babies and toddlers drain their parents' energy and ability to sleep. Then as our children age, they exhaust us with worry and endless activity! Parenting is hard and holy work.
While there is no manual, we can gain important encouragement and wisdom from those ahead of us on this parenting journey. That is where grandparents can be such a support to their adult children that are now parents. Grandparents have the gift of hindsight that allows them to give valuable advice to their children. Parenting can be such an intense experience it can be hard to see the big picture. We can get fixated on tiny details and lose sight of the goal of parenthood, which is to raise up people who love the Lord with all their hearts and love others as themselves.
1. Offer Words of Affirmation
Your children need to hear that they are doing a good job! Parenthood is filled with comparison and uncertainty, especially in the digital age. We are presented with so much information we can be overcome with self-doubt. Hearing our parents say we are doing good work is very life-giving.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 tells us, "Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." Grandparents, you have an opportunity to be a voice that builds up your children! Remind them in their tired moments that their sacrifices have eternal value.
There is so much to process as parents! We carry all kinds of fears, guilt, worries, and anxieties on behalf of our children. Sometimes we need a safe space to just talk through the things we are navigating in our current season of parenthood. Other parents our same age and stage are helpful, but we are all carrying so much; it's nice to speak to someone who has the availability to hold our worries for us.
This ear should focus on hearing and seeing the things your children are working through. It should not be a chance to share or compare your parenting journey to that of your child. In a particularly draining part of my journey, I met with a mentor who had grown-up children. She was able to hear me and encourage me freely because she was not wading through the same sleepless worries. You can offer that kind of support to your children when they need it.
3. Remind Your Children of God's Truth
Parenting comes with many tough seasons. Thankfully, God speaks to our trials and our role as Mom and Dad. God encourages us not to grow weary in doing good (Galatians 6:9). The Bible encourages us to correct our children, even when it feels uncomfortable (Hebrews 12:11). God tells us to bring our worries to him in prayer because he is always working on our behalf (Philippians 4:6-7). God's Word is full of powerful truths we must cling to as parents. Grandparents, you can encourage your children by reminding them that God has not left them alone on their journey. Send to them and speak to them God's truth. God's Word is alive and active and has the power to change us.
Just because your children are grown does not mean they don't need you! Be practical support to them, offering what you can to love them in whatever phase of life they are in. Babysitting, a shared prepared meal, or a thoughtful gift can be great ways to be a loving village to your children who are raising kids. Truly, we need each other to raise up the next generation. Our culture leaves extended families scattered, our work schedules so busy, and feeling alone as a parent is a common issue. If you can be physically close to your children while they raise kids, that's one of the best gifts you can give them!
My children's grandparents play a central role in their lives because they spend time with them regularly. I am so grateful that my kids have such a strong extended family to rely on and even more grateful that my extended family is willing to support us! Especially as we have fostered and are adopting, their hearts have been nothing but open to our children. They have practically provided diapers, clothes, gifts, hugs, food, babysitting, and so much more to us as parents. Without them, our parenthood journey would have felt so much harder. We can be confident that there are no obstacles too significant for us as a family because we have our God, parents, and others by our side to help carry us through.
5. Spend Time with Your Kids
One day my daughter told me on the way to my mom's house that I needed to spend more time with my mom because she's your mom! I thought it was a funny comment, but life can indeed get so busy that I see my parents only when I drop my kids off for a few hours to enjoy the free babysitting they provide. I miss it when I don't get one-on-one time spent talking with my parents. They have the wisdom that I need and offer me much more than a much-needed break from my kids.
My mom and I have put more effort into making sure we plan some Saturday morning brunches or go on a fun shopping trip together. This quality time with my parents is so valuable! I can't really vent my frustrations or hear what is going on in their lives unless a true effort is made to connect. Time with each other is one of the best ways to encourage one another.
Family matters so much. For most of history and still in many places, extended families remained nearby so the duties of parenthood could be shared. For most of us, that is not the reality we live in, but we still need each other on this journey nonetheless. Make steps to be an encouragement to your adult parenting children. They need all your wisdom and love at every age!
Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God's Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.
