Ever say something in front of your kids you wished you hadn’t said? Yep, me too. While I try not to use foul or abusive language, sometimes my words can be a bit careless—or downright negative.
I rattle off clichés without evaluating what they really mean. Or I make an offhand comment, that doesn’t align with my true beliefs.
And at times my words project fear, discontent, or despair, rather than faith.
Maybe you can relate.
Being a mom is just about the toughest job there is. (Can someone say amen?) And yet, the Bible tells us that moms can’t be successful without guarding our words (Prov. 13:3).
Here’s why: our children are listening, far more than we know.
A wise friend once told me: “Your voice is the voice your kids will hear over and over in their heads as they get older, so be careful what you say.”
It’s true. A mother’s words can shape a child’s faith. What a mom says today, can affect a child’s perspective for years to come (Prov. 31:26). So, we moms need to use our words wisely.
King David once prayed: “Lord, help me control my tongue; help me be careful about what I say.” (Psalm 141:3) That’s a great prayer for mothers too, don’t you think?
Of course we all make mistakes, but I’m trying to guard my words more carefully. Here’s a list of things I’ve said in the past that I regret saying—especially around my kids.
Here are 6 things Christian moms (like me) should stop saying:
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1. “Nothing good ever happens to me.”
1. “Nothing good ever happens to me.”
The doctor said, “I’m really sorry, but you’ve got to stop taking fertility drugs for at least six months to a year.” I sat on the examination table in shock, blinking back tears. It seemed like I would never be a mother.
That night my husband held me as I cried, saying, “Nothing good ever happens to me.” But what I said wasn’t true. I had a kind husband (and still do). I had sweet friends. And later on, have mercy, I had 3 children in 2 years.
Here’s what I’ve learned: God has good gifts in store for each one of His children, including you. Thank Him for your blessings, daily. Expect Him to bless you, again. Talk about God’s blessings in front of your children.
The Lord’s good plan for me did include motherhood. And it’s important for my kids to know this. Here are a few things I tell them, often:
“I’m so grateful God made me your Mama.”
“God has truly blessed our family.”
“Even though I fail sometimes, God’s goodness never fails.”
If you’re a mom, it’s no accident, for God is sovereign and the author of all life. God blessed you by leaving precious children in your care. When you feel like a failure (and believe me, you will) trust in this truth. Verbalize it.
Tell your children what God has done for you. Talk about how blessed you are to be a mom. Be quick to say: “Look at how God has blessed us. I believe He will bless us again, in the future.”
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2. “Things just go from bad to worse.”
2. “Things just go from bad to worse.”
Some couples have the luxury of spacing out their children age wise, but not us. After we had our three babies in two years (twins J), it seemed like the laundry pile would never diminish. I thought our hectic schedules would never simplify and our wild children would never calm down.
One day, after the twins had an ugly meltdown in the store and my daughter drew a “mural” on the living room wall, I lost it. Angrily, I stomped around the house saying, “Things just go from bad to worse around here!”
But of course, things did get easier. The terrible twos are now a distant memory and our walls are no longer marked up with a ballpoint pen. Although it seemed like my life would never calm down, it did. The Bible promises that although our lives have different seasons (Ecc. 3:1), God will deliver us through them all (Ps. 34:17).
I want my words to reflect these truths. Here’s what I wish I’d said: “This is a stressful time, but eventually, it will pass. God will help us through it.”
He will help you too, Mom. Believe it.
If you feel stuck right now amid dirty diapers, towering laundry piles, and wild kids, remember, it won’t be like this forever. God will sustain you through the hectic days of motherhood. I know—because the Lord helped me through it.
Remember what you say when things spiral out of control, shapes little minds. Tell your kids (and yourself) that God will provide. Use your words to show your children how to trust God in the midst of chaos.
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3. “I can’t take ANOTHER thing.”
3. “I can’t take ANOTHER thing.”
Years ago, we bought a fixer-upper. Our renovations took much longer than we expected, so we had to move out of our old house before the new one was ready. We stored our furniture and moved in with my parents, with three kids, two cats, and a dog.
I didn’t pack any medicines—after all, I thought we’d be there for only a couple of weeks. I didn’t pack many clothes, either . . . but two weeks turned into two months.
And in that time, my son was hospitalized with a staph infection, my daughter broke her wrist, and the cats ran away. I couldn’t find anything, ever. The season changed and I had no access to my fall clothes and more importantly, neither did my teenage daughter.
One day I said (ok, yelled), “I can’t take another thing!” Maybe you know the feeling. But these words didn’t indicate what I truly believe and I regret saying them, especially in front of my kids.
Since I believe the Lord will help me do whatever He calls me to do, my words need to reflect that. Stressful times are opportunities to speak words of truth and faith, instead of doubt. Here’s what I wish I’d said: “I’m really frustrated right now, but I know God will get us through this. He always makes a way.” (Isaiah 43:19)
Stating the truth out loud helps you surrender to your circumstances, instead of fighting them. It will help your children do the same.
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4. “Nobody loves me.”
4. “Nobody loves me.”
When you talk as if nobody loves you, it’s simply not true.
God genuinely loves you, Mom. In fact, He loves you just as much today, as He ever has or ever will. No matter what you’ve done or what others do, the Lord highly values each one who belongs to Him.
It’s essential for you accept the love of God, to let His love define you.
But Paul once indicated that accepting God’s love isn’t easy, so he wrote this beautiful prayer: “. . . may you be able to feel and understand, as all God’s children should, how long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for yourselves, though it is so great that you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it . . .” (Eph. 3:19, emphasis mine).
Paul calls you (and me) to experience God’s love because this helps us take hold of the reality in which every child of God lives. This truth sets us free to love, live, and talk differently than the rest of the world.
The Apostle John often called himself the “one whom Jesus loved,” (Jn. 21:7). That’s a great thing for us moms to say, too. Talk about God’s great love to your children and neighbors. It’s as easy as saying: “I know God loves me,” or “Jesus loves me so well.” This will impart truth to your kids and help you maintain a healthy perspective.
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5. "But, it’s not supposed to be this way!”
5. "But, it’s not supposed to be this way!”
Like all parents, I had big dreams for my children when they were little. Masters and doctorate degrees. Success in every sport. Academic awards. No major hardships—just easy, happy lives. But of course, things didn’t go as smoothly as I’d planned.
I remember saying, “But it’s not supposed to be this way!” A lot.
Finally, I realized I had to set aside my agenda for my children and trust God to work things out. Believe me, this wasn’t easy. But now, I’m amazed at the beautiful and yet, unexpected things, the Lord has done in my children’s lives.
For example, our “slow” reader is now finishing grad school. Our athlete (who hated art) is now in film production. The one who almost dropped out of school now has a college degree and a good job.
At one time these things seemed impossible, but I’ve learned that God is pretty good at arranging my children’s lives—especially when I stay out of the way.
The Lord has good plans for your child, too.
They stretch far beyond what you can imagine right now. He has friends already in place who will love your child one day. He may even be raising up a future spouse. Perhaps He has a family in mind for your child’s future or a meaningful career.
When you trust God enough to let go of your plans, it frees you to embrace His. Using words of faith can help you let go. When unexpected obstacles arise, tell yourself and your child: “We didn’t expect this, but remember, God has a good plan for your life.”
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6. “I am just a worrier; I can’t help it.”
6. “I am just a worrier; I can’t help it.”
At 2:00 a.m. one morning, I woke up in a panic, worried sick: are my children okay? Where are they right now? Who are they with
Visions of a crashed car in a ditch popped into my head. Next, I imagined a masked terrorist with an AK-47, shooting up the quad. Then I pictured an electrical fire raging through my child’s dorm.
After my 3 children left for college, worry took over—especially at night. On and on the fear would run, ravaging my mind. Torturing my heart. And I’d lay there tearfully in the dark, filled with terror, wanting to protect my kids from things I couldn’t control and from people I didn’t even know.
No matter how old your kids are, the desire to protect them never goes away. But there comes a day when you can’t shelter them anymore. The older your children get, the further their lives spin out of your control. And if you’re not careful, worry can take over.
Like a cancer, it can eat away at you, consuming your peace before you know it.
Or at least, that’s been my experience.
And while I’m definitely not a worry-free mom now, I’m more at peace than ever before. I’ve finally learned to combat my runaway worrying by declaring the truth on purpose.
Here are some great declarations for moms to say out loud:
Today, I will choose to:
Rest in Christ, instead of wringing my hands.
Trust God, instead of trying to control everything.
Be peaceful, not panicked, because the Lord’s got this.
What other things should Christian moms stop saying? What are some good things for moms to say on purpose? Feel free to add your own ideas in the comment section below. Evaluate your words this week because what you say is important. Use your powerful words to:
- Reflect God’s promises.
- Impart hope to your kids, instead of doubt.
- Express your faith and love, daily.
- Display the infinite value of being God’s child.
- Bring glory to God.
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Originally published December 19, 2023.
