Choosing to Marry: A Breath of Fresh Air for Singles
- 2005 27 Jul
If you're seeking love and romance, it's fairly certain you haven't been gifted for single life. Yet many singles today are pressured to put off marriage until they graduate college, land a great job, get older, etc. Most begin hearing it sometime after age 12. Though parents and others have good intentions by offering that advice, those are actually very shallow reasons for sweeping your craving for intimacy under the rug.
Using the "wait-until-you-have-it-all-together" reasoning causes many to "burn with passion." Why? Because they are putting off what is natural not only to their bodies but to their minds and emotions. The "burning" leads many to give in to their need for sexual intimacy before marriage because they can't stand to continue to deny the desire put in them by God. Perhaps denying their God-given need for intimacy is why current statistical research says 1 in 2 singles will have sex outside of marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:9 tells us: "...it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
In Bible times men and women often married between the ages of 13 and 18. Am I saying someone should marry at age 13? No. What I am saying is that I think some parents and church leaders have thrown the baby out with the bath water. In their efforts to fight divorce (or in some cases, keep their children home with them longer) they've discouraged marriage. While not necessarily meaning to, they've presented marriage as something that only works out in perfect situations and at perfect times instead of presenting it as a beautiful relationship that requires commitment and patience. Instead, they've often presented marriage as something to be afraid of or to delay. This should not be the picture painted to singles at all!
I'm not saying for you to go out and marry anyone blessed with counterpart genitals. Neither am I saying two 15-year-olds should elope (they are probably too young). But I am saying that, assuming you are of the age of consent, delaying marriage until life gets "perfect" is the wrong thing to do. For many reasons.
First, by thinking you need to wait to get married until you're making more money might sound responsible and mature, but what is that really saying? Though we may not want to admit it, it's saying, "You can't have a happy marriage without money."
I'll be the first to tell you that you can't "live on love" and people have struggled to make ends meat while married. So I'm not saying you should marry while one of you earns minimum wage and the other stays home. But don't think you have to be able to afford a two-car, two-story brick house before you can marry the love of your life.
Secondly, there will never be a perfect situation. Your life will always have bumps and curves. When your parents lovingly tell you to wait until your situation magically improves, they unknowingly are saying you can't have a happy marriage until the situation is perfect. And let me assure you, nothing could be further from the truth. Everyone will endure situational difficulty. That's a four-letter word I like to refer to as L-I-F-E.
Finally, by delaying marriage you could be putting yourself in a difficult situation. God put within us an extremely strong desire for intimacy. "It is not good for man to be alone," God said when he saw man by himself in the garden of Eden. The Hebrew phrase "not good" could be better stated as saying, "No good can come of it." Sure there are those gifted for living the single life. If you think that's you, good for you, I'm not talking to you. But odds are there are those reading these words who struggle with sexual purity. You fight against what God put in you and that's why you keep falling. If that's you, do this: Begin planning for marriage. If you're dating someone you love and have been having sex with them, tell them you think the two of you should get married. You'll find out right away if they love you or only wanted sex from you. Then when you're married you can totally satisfy this normal and natural need.
So if you are dating the love of your life, forget the whole idea of putting off marriage until you are living in a gated neighborhood and ready for anything that comes your way. If you are in love with someone and committed to them, marry them. That's what is supposed to happen! That's why God put the desire for companionship and physical intimacy inside of you. I'll happily give singles a breath of fresh air by encouraging, rather than discouraging marriage.
This applies to those of you who don't yet have a lavish job or even a college degree. If you are an adult who feels you can't wait any longer to have sex with the person you love, do something about it--do the right thing. If you are in love with them, marry them rather than commit fornication. If it is simply infatuation, break off the relationship so you don't sin.
Does it sound extreme? Maybe. But "it's better to marry than to burn with passion" according to the Bible. And it is your life, right?