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Whether you’re meeting for your second date, or an engagement looms around the corner, you’ll want to know if who you’ve paired yourself with will help your spiritual growth, opposed to hinder or detract from it.
Christian dating can come with a number of frustrations. The size of the dating pool shrinks significantly when we take into factor that our potential future spouse needs to love the Lord, have a personal relationship with Him, and emboldens us to grow in our own relationship with God.
Granted, yes, we can already avoid dating those who do not yet know God as their personal Savior (2 Corinthians 6:14).
Such relationships can lead to pain for both partners. After all, Christians need to place God at the center of everything, including marriage and dating. If the other partner does not do the same, they will struggle to maintain anything healthy under this major difference of doctrine.
But what about when we date other Christians? Surely our only criteria for dating shouldn’t be if he or she knows the Lord as their personal Savior.
Before you go on that next date or say yes to a proposal, make sure to evaluate the following criteria for a healthy yoking—and down the road—a healthy marriage.
Photo Credit: ©When I first encountered the term, my mind immediately went to how I order eggs at a restaurant (yolking . . . get it?).
Jesus, as well other prophets in Scripture, used the term yoking a few times. Jesus says he has an easy yoke (Matthew 11:30). Jeremiah wears a yoke to indicate to the Israelite people they will be under the rule of Nebuchadnezzar (Jeremiah 28:14). Galatians 5:1 uses the term “yoke of slavery.”
Yikes! Are we saying dating and marriage are slavery?
No, but this image would’ve immediately clicked in the minds of the audiences at the time. A yoke, a wooden or iron farming instrument, would bind two oxen together to complete a task together, usually pulling something like a plough.
Metaphorically, when Christians aren’t supposed to “yoke” with someone who will hinder their spiritual growth, it means marriage will bind you together. You will, in some sense, complete every task together. If one ox wants to pull one way and another in the other direction, you’ll get nowhere. Or worse, you’ll sever what binds you together.
We date to marry. We want to work together with our future spouses to grow together spiritually and to set an example for future generations (our children).
So how do we know the person we date provides an equal yoke?
Photo Credit: ©Thinkstock/jacoblund
Christians can have a hard time measuring spiritual growth. We can often forget our nature from a few years ago, or even a few months in the past.
Although no one can determine the true nature of another’s heart, you can use the following checklist to see if they help or stunt your growth:
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Jason Leung
During dating or even during the first couple of months of marriage, we try to put on our best faces and love the other as much as we can. But when they encounter trials, or just rough days, how do they react? When you mess up or fall short, do they exhibit:
Photo Credit: ©Thinkstock/PapaBear
No two Christians will agree 100 percent on every issue. Some will focus on one issue more than others.
Granted, we do have to be on the same page in terms of essential doctrine: the Virgin birth, Jesus’ incarnation, His resurrection, etc.
But on the personal issues you value the most, do they align with you, or do they fall on the complete other end of the spectrum?
For instance, if you value praying together, and they prefer to pray in secret or do not feel comfortable with praying in a group setting, this may wave a red flag. Or if someone feels called to a life in missions and the other feels called to a 9 to 5 job in a cubicle. Or if you want to only adopt children, but they feel called have biological children only, this will lead to future division.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages
We often will use these as measuring sticks for those who we want to date or marry, but how do we personally measure up?
Do we exhibit kindness, patience, and forgiveness in our relationships? Do we settle or do we only pursue those who we know will align with values which we feel most passionate about?
Most importantly, do we help them grow in their faith, or do we seem to hold them back?
When evaluating these three criteria against ourselves, we may determine we need to embark on a season of singleness. During that time we can mature in the faith and learn to love others selflessly. At the end of that season, we may find ourselves more equally yoked with someone God has set before us, and we can help them to grow, rather than causing hinderances and hurt in their spiritual journey.
Hope Bolinger is a literary agent at C.Y.L.E. and a recent graduate of Taylor University's professional writing program. More than 350 of her works have been featured in various publications ranging from Writer's Digest to Keys for Kids. She has worked for various publishing companies, magazines, newspapers, and literary agencies and has edited the work of authors such as Jerry B. Jenkins and Michelle Medlock Adams. Her column "Hope's Hacks," tips and tricks to avoid writer's block, reaches 3,000+ readers weekly and is featured monthly on Cyle Young's blog. Her modern-day Daniel, “Blaze,” (Illuminate YA) just released, and they contracted the sequel for 2020. Find out more about her here.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash-Sarah-Noltner
Related podcast:
The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.
Related video:
You can read Rhonda's full article here.