How Do You Know When You Love Someone?

We hear a lot about "love at first sight" in our world today. My children have occasionally asked me if I loved Daddy the first time I saw him. I can state here with honesty that I was attracted to my husband when I first saw him, and he would tell you the same thing about me: in fact, his cheeks would turn a few shades redder every time he saw me, and he was speechless when he tried to talk to me. Any time I encountered him, I felt the same way. Nervous and unsure of what to say.

There was attraction and awkwardness when we first met one another: but I can't say with honesty that I knew I loved him then because I didn't know my husband when I first met him. I hadn't spent time with him. I hadn't seen how he reacted in social situations. I didn't know what his beliefs were. I didn't know if he wanted to get married like I did someday.

All I knew was he was handsome to me, and there was this magnetic current between us. It's pretty easy to know when you're attracted to someone. I think it's a whole lot different to know when you love someone. 1 Samuel 16:7(b) tells us: "For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

And I needed to get to know my husband's heart.

So Here are five things that I would say gave me an indication of when I knew I loved my husband:

1. I wanted to be with him.

Before I met my husband, I had never really met someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with.

I'd prayed about this, of course. I had hoped it would happen someday. But after spending time in my husband's presence, I knew I didn't want us to be apart when our time together was over. And this was apparent to him as well. We never wanted to say goodbye. Spending time with him enabled me to get to know his heart. I couldn't tell what he was like on the inside by merely looking at him on the outside.

2. I wanted to listen to him, and he wanted to listen to me.

I knew I loved my husband when I was genuinely interested in learning about him and listening to him. I could tell he felt the same way about me. He always took the time to listen and look me in the eyes when I spoke. It seemed as though he hung on my every word and I on his. Listening to my husband enabled me to get to know my husband's heart. People talk the most about what they care about, and the two things my husband talked about the most were:

Family and wanting kids someday.

He quickly learned from listening to me that these two things were also top priorities for me.

3. The rest of the world disappeared when we were together.

I knew I loved my husband when everything else fell to the wayside when we were together. Everything else disappeared. It was as though we were in the Garden of Eden. Just the two of us. As God intended.

Scripture tells us that God's love for us causes Him to focus on us individually:

I always think of the imagery in Matthew 18:12 when the man leaves the ninety-nine sheep to go and find the lost one. He focuses on the one. It didn't take us long to realize that I became my husband's one focus, and he became mine.

4. We wanted similar things for our future.

We soon discovered we were actually quite different as people, but we wanted the same things for our futures. We knew we wanted kids. We had similar views on family and finances and what was important. Our differences have made us stronger as a couple and as parents, but I could feel these love tugs at my heart when it came to talking about our futures: like God designed us to fit together.

In Jeremiah 29:11, God tells us that He knows the plans He has for us, plans to give us a hope and a future.

Wanting to go in the same direction as my husband in the future was a good indication that I loved him.

5. We knew how to say, "I'm sorry."

I knew I loved my husband when we had our first few disagreements, but we wanted to make up. We wanted to say: "I'm sorry."

We've never wanted there to be a root of bitterness between us. We've had some really rough patches over this past decade, but in the beginning, I could tell we would make it through the hard things: because the love that was developing between the two of us was stronger than any kind of unforgiveness. For me, this lined up with God's unconditional love for us.

"Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." -Hebrews 13:5

I had met other people before my husband, but there was always some kind of red flag. Proverbs 16:9 reminds us that: "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."

There were many times I had made plans in my own life: but God took me on a detour. Before meeting my husband, I was graduating with my Teaching Degree and making plans to teach far away from the small city that I am from: But I ended up having major leg surgery the day after I graduated, which sent me back home to my parent's house for recovery.

And during that recovery: I met my husband.

I can remember being angry at God for sending me home and changing my plans. But now, ten years later, with three kids and three puppies: I'm so grateful He did. God's plans will always be more important than any plans we have for ourselves.

I knew I loved my husband because I wanted to be with him. All the time. I wanted to spend time in his presence. That was more important to me than being anywhere else. It was as though the rest of the world disappeared when we were together. And while we were spending time together, we quickly learned that we wanted the same things for our future. We also knew that we never wanted to stay mad at each other and always wanted to say I'm sorry.

And my love for him has only grown deeper the longer we are together: Because I know him better.

So I can say with confidence and certainty that you have to actually get to know someone: To know that you love them. The same way that God knows us with all of our successes and all of our messes: Yet He loves us unconditionally anyways.

"The LORD has appeared [a]of old to me, saying:

Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love;

Therefore with loving kindness I have drawn you." Jeremiah 31:3

Kali Dawson graduated from St. Thomas University with a B.A. in English and a Minor in Journalism and Communications. She is a School Teacher, Pilates Instructor, and Mama of two young children and a beautiful 2020 baby. She is married to her real-life Superhero. When she's not holding small hands or looking for raised hands you will find her writing fervently about faith and family. To read more, you can find her on Facebook at Faith, Family, Freelance.