Christian Singles & Dating

How to Attract the Right Mate

  • Cortni Marrazzo Contributing Writer
  • Published Sep 03, 2008
How to Attract the Right Mate

When it’s springtime, that means it’s mating season for many birds in our neighborhood.  I’ve seen bird couples who’ve found their mates and more prominently, I’ve heard the calls of birds who haven’t yet found their mates. 

The most noticeable mating call I hear is that of a quail.  When quail call to find mates, they find the highest possible point.  They park themselves there, and they call out loudly in some sort of pattern every minute or two; they are quite persistent and very noticeable.  Even though their calls can be heard for quite some distance, they only attract others of their kind because other quail recognize the calls.

This got me to thinking about the “mating calls” many single Christians give out when trying to attract their mates.  Now obviously people don’t literally perch themselves on a high point and “call” out to find mates, but each person does have a unique mating call that will determine what kind of person he/she will attract. 

People in the world attract the people they do by default or they try to change who they attract by trial and error.  But God gives Christian singles specific guidance in His Word on how to be a person who attracts the right mate.

Finding Your Perch

Like I mentioned, the quail that I’ve observed like to perch on a high spot so they can be seen by potential mates.  We can take guidance from that by paying attention to where we congregate and spend our time.  A quail has more of a chance of finding a mate if he is up high where he can see more.  A single Christian has more of a chance to find a godly mate if he/she hangs around church and other Christian events, rather than at bars or worldly parties.  The environment you choose to be around says a lot about you as a person, and it will also say a lot about the others who are there as well.
The key here is that you want to be around church and godly people because you enjoy it.  If your main reason to attend church is to attract a mate, then you are faking yourself out and will most likely fake others out, too.  But if you enjoy serving at church and you meet someone else who does too, then you are more likely to be compatible right off the bat. 

I’ve heard many single people say (and I’ve even said it too) “there are no good available men (or women) in my church.”  But if you are serving at church because you enjoy it, then it doesn’t matter.  When I was single, I served at church all the time because I loved it.  Now that I’m married, my husband and I serve at church all the time together because it’s a passion that we share.

Staying in Your Spot

There is a relentless quail in my neighborhood that parks himself on my neighbors’ two story roof and will stay there and call for his mate for hours.  It gets kind of annoying after a while, but I have to admire his persistence—he found his spot and he’s not moving. 

If many single Christians would just find a spot and stay there, they might have more a chance of developing the kind of relationship that could deepen into love.  Instead, I’ve seen so many young Christian singles hopping from church to church hoping that the right cute guy or girl is at this other church since they can’t find one where they already are.  This leads to people being uprooted and having shallow roots wherever they go. 

The Bible says that those who are planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish (Psalms 92:13).  If you’re not planted and dedicated and committed to your church, then you won’t be able to flourish due to your shallow roots.  God will bring your mate to you, you don’t have to go out and find him/her yourself. 

Developing Your Call

The most important part is your call—what you are communicating to others through your life.  Are you a person of integrity and honesty who other Christians can recognize and relate to?  People tend to gravitate toward others who are similar to them in values and actions, just like a quail is attracted to another quail with the same call.  Do your actions invite the right people to be around you or do you seem to always find yourself around those who are always in trouble or who are messing things up?

So how do you know if you are a godly type of person?  First of all, read the chapter about love in 1 Corinthians 13.  This chapter lists many qualities of a godly person: patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, and the list goes on.  Once you finish with that chapter (we all have things to work on from that chapter), I would encourage you to read Proverbs and note each verse that starts with “A good man. …”  Proverbs is full of ways you can be a good man (the same things apply to women). 

In the end, God is the one that brings the right person to us at the right time, but you can help make sure the right one is attracted to you by being the kind of person God wants you to be.  You will most likely be a turn off to ungodly single people around you, which is OK because you don’t want to be in a marriage relationship with them anyhow. 

There were many guys who weren’t attracted to me when I was single because of my love for God and commitment to His ways and to His church, but that helped keep me focused on serving God more.  And when my husband came along, it was those very things that attracted him to me. 

Until the time that God brings you your mate, developing these characteristics will attract godly friendships to you and those are extreme blessings in themselves.  Plus, you never know what might happen.  I ended up marrying my husband because he was my friend’s brother-in-law.  So be open to all the possibilities God may open up for you, as you strive to be a person who attracts the right mate.

Cortni Marrazzo currently resides in Spokane, Washington with her husband Jason. She has an Associate’s Degree in Biblical Discipleship from Dominion College and is currently pursuing her passion for writing and personal finance. She and her husband successfully paid off over $11,000 worth of debt in their first year of marriage and she desires to help others reach their financial potential. Contact her at or view some more of her financial articles here.